Did you trip on his dick and fall pregnant?
Shout out to all the “accident” children. Unfortunately, my role here is to disabuse you of the notion you are a “blessed accident”.
My godson was supposedly an “accident.” And I hate the term because it makes it sound like he wasn’t wanted because he wasn’t “planned.” Both are a lie.
Let’s unpackage the notion of the “accidental child” here full disclaimer. It’s about to get graphic, so if your parents told you the story of the “cabbage patch and the diamond” I’m about to ruin your childhood.
The only way that a child can truly be an accident is if a woman and a man happened to be naked, and she happens to trip and fall onto her man’s penis and he ejaculates in surprise.
If you had sex and you took your clothes off to do so, you were choosing pregnancy as a possible option.
If you were a devious witch and you “turkey bastered” your man (illegal and immoral I might add) also, you chose pregnancy.
Guys, if you chose to go raw and you didn’t pull out in time, it was choosing to go raw that meant you were choosing pregnancy.
Ladies if you forgot to take the pill and you chose to have sex before you re-established your hormones, it was choosing to have sex that night and not a week from now that was the choice to get pregnant.
The reason I’m being so forceful on the point is that there is always a choice, you may be choosing it whilst in the heat of the moment but you were never robbed of the choice. And if you chose wrong, then that was still your choice. If you chose to have a 3rd child you couldn’t afford and your children ended up resenting you for it. Your choice.
If you chose to have a child to trap a man into marriage or to stay in a marriage, also your choice. And if the consequences are all of you remain miserable, that is a valid consequence of your actions.
The reason that I dislike the idea of an “accidental” child is it gives a child an identity before its birth that it had nothing to do with and no control over. It removes normalcy as an implication, no one tried for you, you just happened. And it depreciates the value of the child because there was no “perceived effort” in conception. Therefore the value is lower. Middle children also struggle with this if they were born in quick succession, “your mum believed she couldn’t get pregnant whilst breastfeeding and she believed wrong, hence…you.” As do children born outside marriage back when that was a stigma, your parents did something bad, therefore you are going to be a bad product of a bad union. Incorrect, your parents only did something bad if it was a rape and the main reason children born outside wedlock ended up bad is because their parents either had a shotgun marriage where they actually didn’t love each other just had to stay in the consequences of their actions = unhappy dysfunctional home =learnt dysfunctional behaviours or the child was separated from one or more parents and therefore unhappy, dysfunctional home and learnt dysfunctional behaviours. All determined before they took their first breath.
Another 2 of my godchildren were “accidental” Can you imagine 2 accidents in 2 years! What a clumsy family. When you speak to the mother, the decision moment is not actually just who she had sex with, but when. The reason the kids were accidents was that the parents had sex too early in their relationship for the first one, and then had broken up, and weren’t solid in their relationship before the second one. That is what made them accidents, that and the parents penchant for unprotected sex. This has had a really hard effect on these 2 young souls and my heart bleeds for them. The effect is that because they weren’t “wanted” in the traditional sense, their mother sees herself as “managing” with them. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her children, but she isn’t fully able to give herself to motherhood because she sees them in some ways as a burden that stops her from being a regular woman in her 20’s. Yet, there is nothing that the children can do about that feeling, nor can they do anything about a father that sees them as a “green card” to the UK. Emotionally immature parents are the subject of my blog “should the legal limit to have sex be raised to 30?”
The reason I feel so passionately about this is that there are so many things in this life that determine our fate that we have no control over, our parents stupid choices shouldn’t be one of them.
Grace and courage
Annetta Mother Smith