Dick on the table
“You can’t get your way by slamming your dick on the table!”
Actually, apparently yes you can.
Too many times in the workplace I have seen that the best ideas do not win. It is those with the loudest voice.
But lets stick with the analogy of “Dick on the table.”
A man drops his pants in the middle of a business meeting, slams his fist on the table and then swiftly follows it by putting his penis on the table in front of a shocked audience, what happens next?”
Well first its an open challenge to tell him that his penis is small, because lets face it, unless he was masturbating just beforehand, which is the next level of inappropriate, he will be small.
Next there is the smell. The fact of the matter is that we all have 5 senses and there are too few gents who practice good hygiene. Some of them even believe “More than 2 shakes is playing with yourself” so lets end that there. You are essentially confronted with his manliness in every way.
Next there is the simple fact that “dicks” aren’t meant to be slammed anywhere, you see how sensitive men get when you even approach their private area, its not an appendage that is meant to be slapped around the place, so when you see a person “slamming dick on the table” know that they are hurting, that sound you heard in your mind, was painful.
Finally you have to tell him to put his pants back on. He’s daring you to do it but someone, excuse the term, needs to have the balls to do it. And very few people do.
That’s basically what happens metaphorically in a lot of business meetings I witness. There are people who think their bright ideas are the best and want them to go through “By fire or by force” which is a Creole saying.
Now that there are laws against intimidation in the work place it has gone from overt to covert. Which is maddening, believe it or not I wish I was there in the 70’s 80’s and 90’s when a man would actually slam his dick on the table, as I can appreciate the bluntness of it. Often in todays workplace, you aren’t ever sure that you are being made fun of or bullied, until its too late. The dick is on the table and you are confronted with that fact.
I am ashamed to say I have been bullied several times in my short career. December makes it 10 years since I started in the world of work, but each time I have left a job, I have left because I haven’t felt safe with my employer. I’ve had people bully me, with no repercussions because I wasn’t aware of my rights.
My biggest career regret was that I was an analyst for Sainsburys at one point. I got a new big boss (so not my boss, but his boss) a woman, and a mother. You would think she’d be empathetic to me, a 23 year old in a graduate job. I had recently completed my last professional exams and was looking to become a chartered accountant. She said she would block any attempt made by me to gain membership as “I was only a C3 (graduate job)” I spoke to my mentor and my boss and they both assured me she couldn’t actually do that, then she started enforcing it. Shortly afterwards something really bad happened to her and she had to take 3 months off (please don’t say its Karma, her dad died in a freak accident and I don’t wish that on her, even at the time) and so I made it my mission to be out of there before she came back. She’d slammed her dick on the table and I’d had to deal with it with my life. In short. If you can’t get your way through persuasion, I beg you don’t slam your dick on the table, not only will it hurt you, but there are lasting repercussions for all involved.
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother Smith.