Consequences

The word for the day is “consequences” I woke up this morning with a clear day ahead… That didn’t happen.

My mum called me with her latest outrage. Long story short, she was screwing me and she was being caught and I asked all the correct questions. 5 years of being screwed made me wise.

She then was angry that I was upset at what she was doing. “You should let it go” Because my mother has said this it has enboldened me to take this rage to my grave. Why? Because “let it go” is the words of someone who doesn’t face consequences.

My arguement was because if anything goes wrong it’s me who suffers. So I wanted my due, I have spent 5 years being screwed and in this last thing it would be reprehensible or incomprehensible that I would be screwed. Roll in the excuses. My mum said I should be grateful that I’m able to help my parents. This isn’t helping. This is wholesale paying for my parents. The numbers have gotten too big. Everything about my parents life is because of me, built of my sacrifice and their often criminal irresponsibility. Its not funny, its not cute. Its deadly serious. My children will look at me sideways. For the decision to “rescue” parents who deliberately planned not to save themselves but to use me as a parachute.

I was annoyed and was told, I “don’t let things go” i.e. I have an accurate memory for things that absolutely did happen in my presence.

My arguement, time and time again has been that those who don’t suffer the consequences have a different memory of history. If you were a 1940’s housewife whose husband beat the devil out of her and who drank all the money to feed the children, WW2 would have been a hope and a prayer…that he didn’t come home. You worked, paid for your kids and learnt some new receipes due to rationing. Your house was safe, your kids were safe, the German’s took care of your husband. Perfect. Meanwhile if you were on the front line in the Somme in WW1 I bet you didn’t think war was fine and dandy then. Ditto the Eastern Front.

How did we get there? My middle nephew was a sick baby into toddler, he had a condition with his diaphram. He was in and out of hospital. This is a fact. If my sister in law will let you, you can read his medical records (he’s still a minor) My dad paid for treatments and eventually he had corrective surgery around the 3 years old mark. You don’t operate on a 3 year old unless its serious. You also would remember if anything that serious happens to your nephew. Because surgery is no joke. Meanwhile my mum said “it wasn’t so bad” and he was only sick once. Maybe his parents exaggerated his illness we have no idea, but it certainly wasn’t once. It was repeatedly. He had a condition. He was a baby, his mother took him to the hospital regularly enough to get diagnosed. We also knew he lived with this condition before surgery. Why say “its not that bad?” It definately was bad. Hindsight will say he will grow up to be a normal and healthy teenager. But we didn’t have that back then. It was serious.

Then we have my cousin.

I should mention some good news of mine. I got a new job. This job has come with a pay cut. But its fantastic and I love the role. Its going to be my personality for at least a year.

But that pay cut came with some tough choices, including on a trip I had planned to take with my mum and aunt. “Girly trip” I tried explaining this to my cousin. I also explained (on multiple occasions) that this trip was predicated on people moving quickly and I wanted to make this work. But if that wasn’t going to happen I am not doing anything. Because I tried my best, and I have nothing else to offer.

So… today cuts started swinging. Trip down the Seine? Cut. My uncle? Cut. Next is the Ritz (Paris) I’m in 2 minds about the Ritz London. Then the entire trip and all my entertaining.

Its about consequences. I am the one paying so I’m the one deciding.

The lesson of the day is. Never listen to anyone who doesn’t face the same consequences as you.

Bonus lesson. Don’t shield people from their consequences. I was furious with my mother because she told me to “let it go” I have lived with the consequences of her and my father’s actions on one item specifically for 5 years. Another for 3. I will be living with both of them for the rest of my life and she couldn’t live with a 2 minute conversation on the facts of the case. I have never wanted more for my mother to take the consequences of her actions so badly in my life as its “not that bad.” Okay cool. Don’t “walk a mile in my shoes.” live the rest of your life in my shoes, then we’ll see what is worse in consequences, seeing the money come out of your account every month and having to live in poverty as a result… Or having a 2 minute conversation stating you were irresponsible and that the reason we’re all here is because of your poor choices.

Consequences.

Always been my favourite word.

Grace and courage.

Annetta Mother-Smith.