Out of Spite, out of mind
This weekend I booked my landmark Paris trip for my family… For 3. 3 women. Myself, my mum, and my aunt. My uncle is staying at home.
There are several reasons.
Its expensive, and I’m taking a huge pay cut.
He’s retired. That makes it harder for him to get a visa.
I don’t want to.
And it is that that I will unpack.
Its right that I did take a massive paycut, and in order to maintain the quality of the trip without financial headache I did start making cuts.
It is true I didn’t want to deal with the headache and the absolute longshot of 2 people getting a Schengen visa. But mainly…
It was because I didn’t want to do it and so I just didn’t.
My uncle is not a bad person per se. He’s been known by me to be a weak person, but he’s not a supervillain. His son did scam me and I was still willing to take him. But I realised it would be less stressful for me with less on the line if I didn’t take him. So I decided not to. It also happened to be on a day when some of his decisions came back to bite me in the backside and even though it was very upsetting for me. I realised I didn’t want to have him come. So I didn’t book his hotel or transportation. I felt so excited, so happy booking the trip I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt or shame at not doing it. I was just happy that I was taking control of the situation. I have done my best now for this trip. Put forward a beautiful itinerary and moved on with my life. Will I feel the consequences of this eventually? Yes. My mum said she’d take him. But my last experiences with him have been so bad that that has got to be a factor. It did and it didn’t.
Yes the day I booked was also the same day I dealt with yet another failing of his. It was a big one, if not the biggest one. I had a monumental headache. A headache that lasted several days because yet again I had to protect myself because I received no protection from him even though its his legal duty to do so. And I’d have to go through the courts to fix what he didn’t have to mess up.
But it was more that things were moving slowly and the risk of things messing up doubles with two people so as I’d never formally invited him I didn’t feel obligated to pay for him.
Mum offered me an out. She said she’d take him next year (nope he’s staying in Freetown if I have anything to do with it. If you have a family you are willing to leave the country to avoid then that means you should stay there. Sit in your consequences.)
It has the added benefits of meaning that I am not paying for a trip for a man who has changed my life for the worse. It pays back the money that the son took from me. It means I don’t have his company, which I have come to dislike in large doses. So I decided not to have a large dose. Do I have any obligations to my mum’s favourite brother? No. Because he’s failed me every time. But I just don’t have to. If I don’t want to I just don’t have to.
The aim of the trip is for my family to have one last chance of redemption. My famous family, who have failed time and time again always to my detriment often beyond measure. This was to give them one last shot of creating memories and actually the best person to do that was my aunt. The quiet, reserved, aunt. Not typically involved in “the family crazy” But my uncle is the embodiment of “the family crazy. “ In fact now my aunt’s husband has passed away you could argue that my uncle and his family were the entirety of “the family crazy” So actually I was going back to the aims of the trip. If he’d done anything even remotely jarring when I was paying £3,000+ on a trip I would not be able to handle it, because I knew he’s lazy and doesn’t want to take initiative or think for himself if there is a woman in the vicinity to do it for him, also he lacks social graces and he revels in it. By no means does this man eat with his hands (unless its foo foo) but he does things that require “gentle correction” a lot and the last time he played me up literally broke me so I’m not doing that again. Low stakes entertainment only. That’s just me learning from experience. Not even punishing him for what he did.
Its so weird how good I feel now. I have been super excited about the trip. decided on if we actually make it to Paris, to even scrapbook the trip. I already diarise my holidays, so why not add something tangible. It definitely released some weight off my shoulders (that and my tickets were SUPER CHEAP!!!!) I was so happy I realised this was divine intervention. If God was allowing me to have tickets this cheap, this late in the day, it is meant to be. So I have hope. I was even able to secure the hotel with breakfast for a reasonable amount of money.
All in all I am happy.
I am able to answer for myself why I didn’t invite my uncle.
I don’t have to do it in a spiteful way. Just “I’d already planned the whole trip before mum told me you were coming.”
Like anyone would ask me to my face.
But more importantly…
Grosvenor Girlies are Going to Paris!!! We’ll have the absolute best time and we’ll make the memories and I pray, at least I will have one aunt who I have fond memories of (no shade to my mum’s little sister what happened with her was 100% my mum’s fault.)
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother Smith.