So what kind of nonsense have I been on?

Its been a while. Truth is that I have been writing, but I have been writing history, I have been digesting Titus Livius (Livy), I have done Tacitus book 1. & 2, articles and reports. I have done work on the 7 ecumenical councils. (not finished it) heaven help us. (boy is that hard, lots of theological terms, and no theology degree) basically I need to get all the information I would have previously gotten from my dad from a book. I have been enjoying doing the work, but it takes an enormous amount of time, and for every 2 minute story I have 8-10 hours of work. History isn’t exciting event after exciting event, its boring events coloured by exciting events. but you will not get to the good parts unless you understand why they happen in the first place which means you need to understand the boring bits. Which is the work I currently do. So yeah, its been hard, I have a good volume of work, and I want to talk about but the talking bit is like running sand on an hourglass, it appears so slender, but its running out fast and before you know it you’ve got to start over again and you know good and well this is over 200 hours worth of work. Which is what is scaring me.

I’m incredibly aware of the volume of work it takes to get what I want and I guess I am scared, its not that I’m not talented, its that I am scared. What happens if I run out of content before I have time to replenish it? I am looking at 100 hour weeks for the next 10 years on a good day. what happens on a bad day? When will I be able to transition? Do I have the technical equipment and what if technology fails me? More likely, what if my courage fails me? that is more likely. I guess Grace and courage needs to be my safe space again to record yet another journey.

I can actually say I’m scared, scared to hope again.

Lord, I have seen what you have done for others…

Grace and courage…

Annetta Mother Smith.