Shoot your shot… why are we at war?
he battle of the sexes feels like it has been raging more intensely these days. This is only my concept of reality because my single ass has been listening to way more youtube hatchet cases talking about…the battle of the sexes. I have been listening to Breeny Lee, Tony Gaskins, and Oh Stephco. On all sorts of millennial nonsense. But hey, its background noise whilst I work a job listening to other hatchet cases.
I believe its important to ponder aloud why the hell I’m at “war” in the first place. I’m female, I want to marry a male. I don’t believe in sex before marriage but don’t subscribe to “toxic abstinence culture” I.E. No kissing, no fun of any kind. I’m also sweet, kind generous, loving and lovable. Also pretty, pretty stunning. So why do I have to fight for a man?
The empowered internet encourages women to “shoot their shot” at men. This lacks nuance. I’m not shooting anything, anywhere. Have you seen me do archery? I’m more of a danger to the nearby wall. Essentially, I’m far too shy and the kind of man I want is a confident man, and the first step towards being a confident man is gathering the confidence to ask me out.
The other end of the spectrum lacks nuance too. Be a “feminine” woman. “Be a receptor,” I have initiative in bundles. I am a leader in a lot of my spheres. Therefore, you can’t just tell me to be “receptive” when my culture and society have told me to “go get it” I grew up on Destiny’s child “throw your hands and thank me!” We keep telling girls to be “better than boys” now we have to be receptive??? Let them take the lead? How out of touch. And I say this as someone who actually is fairly chilled in her personal life. Can you imagine what this would do to someone who is naturally assertive? Go against your nature and allow the men to be leaders? When in reality what you need is a man who is a little more submissive?
What the battle of the sexes needs is to tone down the crazy… a lot. Basically, I know for a fact my future husband is out there. I also know for a fact that when that time comes there will be no war. Because wars have a winner and a loser, and we intend to be winners in this situation. We both win, each other. This is not a millennial “medal of participation” but they say a good compromise is reached when neither side is happy. A good marriage is reached when both sides believe they levelled up and can’t believe that their dream person would choose them. I know, because I grew up with it. I saw my parents marriage, where my mum got her 6ft tall, dark, handsome man with amazing bone structure who was intelligent, kind, quiet and funny. (I know, she needs to write a book)
My dad got a beautiful, articulate, intelligent woman who is ambitious loving and fierce, from a prominent family and her own money. It was a marriage where both people believed they got the better side of the deal.
If you need to fight to keep a man. Let. Him. Go. If you need to fight to keep a woman. Let. Her. Go. We have to stop believing “fighting for love” is healthy. Its not. People who love each other go through good times and bad times. They are not excused from life because the are in love. But they fight alongside each other against the world. They’re not fighting for their love. Their love is a given it’s the work that they’re putting in. If you are fighting for love, its not love.
Make like frozen and “let it go.”
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother Smith.