Sanctity of life
I have been in a pondering mood. I have so far in this life lived a blessed life. I have had food everyday, water. Everything I could desire, now as a divorced adult, I purchase for myself when I can. It is in this spirit I talk about the sanctity of life. Because I have come to appreciate that my life is sacred. I didn’t have that absolute knowledge before.
In the dating world I look at ugly short old men and I sometimes look down on them. They’re 38, 5ft 8 and had a beer belly and they have the audacity to come to me saying they want “something casual” I now try and correct that feeling. You are allowed your preferences, as am I. However you can’t have your preference with me. I am rejecting the idea of being your preference. I am a black woman. And as the internet so kindly repeatedly informs me (I need to stop listening to these American content creators on YouTube) I am the bottom of the barrel in terms of anyone’s preference. I am the least desired female on the planet because my own race of men don’t want me.
The truth is I don’t want them either. My mother’s struggle will not be mine. I love my father. I came from a black man, and I will never be anything other than a black woman. However my dad was a diabetic who died of cancer. Doesn’t mean I want that for myself either. Learn from the lessons or you will be doomed to repeat them. I remember at one point Romanising the idea of “going back to my roots” and marrying a black man. Then I thought what my life would be like. It on a day to day basis did not appeal. I said to myself. No honey, not for you. You’re not attracted to them, you sometimes find some of them somewhat handsome, then they open their mouths and ruin it. Let that little girl who wanted to marry George Hammond go. She’s not serving you.
So I have listened to a lot of female black content creators, I can now say after my female incel post that there are black women who actually hate black men. As in really hate. You can hear the vitriol in their voice. To them, I say, shut it down. Whoever he was, don’t let him control your future. Kill the girl. Let the woman live. To misquote game of thrones.
What I find most weird about these women, is not the hate (they like myself have had to grow up with the consequences of the black community) but why they are angry at these men in the first place. Its like being angry at a fish for being meat when you are vegan? Don’t go near the fish?
These women want to be in happy committed relationships with black men. But the black men they are complaining about aren’t in happy and committed relationships with anyone. In America, 1/3 of black men are or have been incarcerated. 50% of black men don’t marry at all. Then black men are the most likely of all men to marry/date outside their race. But the type of men that these women are referring to as “dusties” are the type of men who beat their wives. Those wives can be black/white/Asian/Latina. They will beat their wives. They will financially abuse their wives and children. They will not provide a dime in child support. They will abuse and neglect their women and their responsibilities. These men are not attracted to them and these women aren’t attracted to them either, because they want the opposite of what these men are providing. So why the hate? Its like me being angry at Asian men for being Asian. Why? They don’t affect my day, because I don’t want an Asian husband and I don’t affect their day because they don’t want a black wife? The chances of me being hit on by an Asian man are low. The chances of a “Dustie” hitting on a woman of quality are slightly higher, but just reject him and be about your business. Its no drama. We don’t care about them. These women are so violently opposed. Which I get it. They know that these men are going to act wild and yet the black community will still blame the women when it all goes to shit. But rather than get mad at the men. Leave them. If the community is made of trash, propping it up with the one life God gave you doesn’t make sense.
I have a cousin. She had 2 kids with a Nigerian. It was a dumbass idea from the get-go. They didn’t really know each other, they knew each other very loosely for a short time, started sleeping together then bang, my darling goddaughter arrived. They tried to mend their relationship after he tried to duck out of fatherhood by…another goddaughter. My cousin put her body through 2 pregnancies in university. Financially and emotionally crippled herself, put her body through labour and 2 C sections for a man who you could tell from the jump didn’t love her. A man who never gave her safety. A man who saw her as a means to an end and used her brutally. I don’t buy the “hindsight is 20:20.” That is ignorance-encouraging BS. Hindsight is 20:20. But so is looking directly in front of you. He domestically abused her in front of his kids and that was the final straw. He screwed up big time. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But this guy was a “FOB” Fresh Off the Boat which we all knew as black British girls not to mess around with. Fresh off the boat means someone who has recently emigrated to the UK. They hold deeply traditional values because they have been in the UK less than 5 years. We, as black British, whilst having somewhat of an understanding of what it is to be African, we will never have a complete understanding and are a completely different class of people. Its like mixing Russians with Canadians, both are from the Northern Hemisphere, there is a language and cultural barrier there. Same with Black British, we have a language and cultural barrier between us and our African relatives despite the fact that we share a skin tone.
The point I’m trying to make here is my cousin foolishly sacrificed her one life that God gave her over a dude she knew a few weeks. She acted like if this didn’t work out, she’d have a “do over” with her life. As it turns out. You don’t get that. That’s why I’m angry at black women in the black community wasting the one life that God gave us all to rail at “dusties” “Dusties” have no race. I was married to a white one. I have a blog, on mental paedophilia which talks about the British dusties. The crux of the argument is as follows. If the man is mentally 13 years old. He deals with his anger with violence, he wants sex with no thought to the consequences, he has no plans as to how he is going to get money. He is a child mentally. That means he cannot consent to sex or any other life decision such as if he wants to be in a relationship or not. Therefore it is incumbent on you to use your discernment to realise this man is not mentally capable of loving you and…
Walk. On. By.
If you need it said again.
Walk on…Bye!
Instead we believe berating him on the internet is going to get you somewhere. It is. Its going to get you bitter real quick.
He’ll never be able to love you the way you want to. I have come to realise that actually “dusties” don’t change. My ex’ s father was a far better father to his younger 2 children than to his eldest 3. However it is conditional. It is convenient for him and he is still in love with the mother. When either of those 2 things change I believe he will treat them with the same amount of contempt as he treated the eldest 3. Despite God giving him 5 healthy children and people like myself existing in this world desperate for 1. My ex, may be a better spouse to his next girl than to me, but he’ll never be the standard I require. The guy I dated has had a whole ass divorce. A life changing event and yet is still weak. Too weak for me. These are all white men. Dusties do not have a race. I believe that they are just more exposed in the black community because black women are quick to cuss you out.
Instead of being angry at a kettle for being black. Pick up a different utensil. I don’t buy the argument of victim blaming “you need to pick better” Who says we need to pick at all. Please don’t let loneliness lead to desperation. It is, as Whitney Huston put it, better to be alone than unhappy. In the God forbid situation that I don’t remarry, I don’t have kids. Better to spoil my godchildren than to leave my own children with a lower quality of father than I myself had, just because I wanted kids. No, give them your best or don’t bother. Its desperation that makes you get with “anything” I believe you can do better. Its not just a call to not date “dusties” I believe that if black men are triggering you so badly, then just like myself, don’t date them. When the exodus of good black women happens something will change. “Dusty” black men will not have any women to “sow wild oats with” so they’ll go make single mothers of different races… Rameses the great had 100 children. Future is already on 9. So many “dusties” falsely believe that their name is Abraham and that God has commanded them to father a nation. Its not cute. Just because his preference is to “Go forth and make baby mamas of all women” doesn’t mean you personally have to be part of “all women” Walk on by and step aside and let him go and destroy someone else’s life. Everyone gets equal shot at life and everyone gets to make their own mistakes. Ladies it is not our job to be the saviour of the black community, there are already so many issues there. It will take generations to fix. It is not your job to fix it. It is your job to live selfishly with the one life you have and make sure you don’t ruin your own life. Instead enjoy your one life. If you see a white woman or a Latina and they are going down a path that could lead to baby-mama-dom, have a quiet word. But you owe her nothing, other than to share your foresight and insight. If she takes your advice, crisis averted. If not, lets hope he’s not actually a dusty because real men exist.
So lets get onto the real men. They do exist, and I don’t care what people say, there is a generation-generation fall in good men. We don’t rise to the occasion, we fall to our standards, and standards have been falling for years. I can, with a head for macro economics and sociology point to a few things, each that have contributed to the fall in proportion of good men.
1. Globalisation means that a man is no longer the sole breadwinner. He feels emasculated by that.
2. More women entering the workforce has now trickled up into women in senior leadership positions, misogynists have a problem with it, but for the majority of people it creates a more collegiate less adversarial working environment, lowering the testosterone levels needed to perform work tasks.
3. Toxic feminism has sought to raise women up at the expense of men.
4. Specialisation has meant that men are doing the vast majority of manual labour tasks in the workplace, which now attract a lower rate of pay than they did years ago.
5. Social security has provided a safety net to make sure that people don’t suffer abject poverty, as a result the marginal benefit to working has been lowered.
6. As a result, because in the west it is known that the state will step in men have been abandoning their wives/partners with relative ease of conscious knowing these women and children will not actually die in a poor house if they abscond.
7. Single parent households become a multiple generational problem (look at my own family. For the love of God don’t start it, it becomes a cycle to break) which means that men aren’t taught how to be men by their fathers, and lack male role models.
8. The male role models they do have, sports stars, musicians live a hypersexualised, hyper masculine life that is unattainable.
9. Social security has also kept wages low artificially by propping up living standards and therefore discouraging industrial action when supply and demand fail to meet.
10. The growth of wealth in the west has meant that more jobs are office based/remote working. Therefore people are less active and take less exercise.
11. The rise in fast food culture has mean that rich people eat good, well cared for food and the poor eat plastic nonsense that doesn’t rot and is pumped with sugar and every ungodly chemical you can imagine and many you don’t.
12. Lack of open spaces and poor housing conditions mean that the poor do not have access to their basic needs in terms of decent accommodation needed to self actualise and maintain mental health. As a result more people are suffering from mental health issues, as seen in the pandemic.
13. Marriage is seen increasingly as archaic and divorce is on the rise. This is not aided by the wedding industry which keep a barrier to entry of the marriage market. Seen in the fact that the average UK wedding costs as much as deposit for a house. So less children are born to stable married households.
14. the education system is skewed towards how women learn as opposed to being equally balanced so boys can have a fair shot at success. The most obvious example was in Jamaica which famously only had 4% of its males educated to degree level.
15. Modern life is incredibly stressful. Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 40.
16. A rise in the norm for a man to be an adolescent from the ages of 18-45 and still able to sow wild oats. Kevin Samuels was 57 years old and felt no pressure to settle down, despite telling quite literally everyone else to do so.
Each of these on their own are not sufficient to create the decline in competent men. However amalgamated it is. We mollycoddle the men because they have been forced to grow up fast because of single parenthood and then we give them an extended pass on bad behaviour. They suffer from the changing world, globalisation, the rise of women, the fall of marriage and social security and modern employment giving them just enough to survive on, but not enough to live on. Men want to do the right thing, however we as a society are in fact giving them so few opportunities to do so, and so many opportunities to be a cad. But just because we’re giving them opportunities to behave like heathen doesn’t mean all men take it. There are good men out there. I salute you, dear gentlemen. The men who wish to get married and have kids, the men who take care of themselves without being an ass about it. There are in fact so many of them out there. Its just that the internet if full of loud people and these “real gangsters move in silence” Which is great, because I’d like a husband who will not humiliate me in public by running his mouth about my sex life. (looking at you, ex husband.) I’m quite looking forward to being married to a man who will exalt me, seek to build me up rather than tear me down. I will enjoy sparring mentally with a man of equal intellect, someone with values, decency and tenacity. I think my life will be great, peaceful. Joyful, pleasant. But most of all filled with love and respect. So I’m looking forward to that part of my life.
Which is why I’m preserving the sanctity of life, the sanctity of my life. I value life. I value my life. I value me. You should value you.
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother Smith.