Revaluation of Grace and Courage

Greetings loved ones, I have been doing this madness for 2 years now, writing down my thoughts, life has gotten harder, I have gotten tougher, and here I am.

I should evaluate where I am.

First, 2 years have gone past, the people who I sacrificed myself for are gone, but my sacrifices are still there. Time will pass anyway, you should at least look back with pride… I can’t.

My relationship with my mum is better. A LOT of bad things have happened. I have forgiven A LOT. Best not to go into it.

I have no love life, or children. I really thought I’d have at least one of those things by now. I have hope, but it kind of needs to happen soon, because my thoughts have been getting dark.

Friendships? The stand out thing that’s happened was in 2023 when someone stabbed me irreversibly, I only realised today that the damage was irreversible. Meanwhile I have a wonderful friend, who is the person I tell my sorrows to.

Money, both richer and poorer. Cost of living has kicked us all in the shins.

Mental health? Worse. I am less able to cope, writing helps, walking helps, gym all of it helps, but what is the point? I have no one to share it with and no objective in sight.

Writing? Seems to be getting darker and more bitter, with no Grace in sight. Just courage to say I hate everyone.

At least I’m honest with myself, 2 years and 3 months in.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother-Smith.