Genuine question….
What is the purpose of men in a modern relationships?
Companionship? I do agree, however it should be noted that you can’t have fun in a dirty house or when you are starving from hunger from either lack of cooking skills or genuine poverty. Nor can you have fun when overwhelmed, overworked or there’s a baked bean on his lapel… My point is to say there needs to be a minimum standard of competency reached before someone can be a companion, i.e. be a functional human being. That standard is not always met and so the unspoken needs to be spoken because too many men are failing to reach the threshold.
Over the past few months I have been subjected to… belching, incredible homophobia which has no place in society… sexual perversion and time keeping skills of a sleepy 15 year old. Not functioning adult behaviour, this is the life my mum wants me to marry into.
But I digress.
Sex? Sex is fun I am sure, but it isn’t worth ruining your life over. And getting into a relationship to have sex will in fact ruin your life.
Finances? yes in this world 2 incomes are better than one, but it isn’t worth getting into a relationship just for money… if you are broke just say that…
Love? Genuinely don’t remember what it feels like to be in love, I remember being happy and clinging onto that concept for a long time. But I don’t remember what being in love was, the first and only time it has happened to me thus far was 2022. Before that and after I have simply enjoyed having male attention. So I can’t speak to it. They say “Love changes everything…” and I am sure it does. I just don’t know the concept anymore… I have not really been shown real love for a long time… Wow… that’s a sad thought, I have had so long without love and so much as pity in my life I had to google “what is love like?” and still couldn’t conceptualise it. I saw the words…and still didn’t understand what they meant. Oh crap… probably another post…
What I wrote in my diary is that I am very cerebral and if you can’t get through my minimum thresh hold it is physically impossible for me to fall in love with you. Because I will concentrate on the next need… “Has he done this? Has he done that???” Because I can’t trust you… I know you don’t “got it” So I better have it and that’s exhausting. I don’t want to laugh with a man who can’t be socialised. I can’t fall in love with a man who can’t act with the same sophistication as a woman of the same age would… because girls aren’t better than boys, so if a woman of the same age can do it… then a man can too. Not hard, not harsh just true.
Provide? Not seen it. Seen my dad provide for others. But when it came to me, it was my mum who made magic happen. Also, I have seen utterly useless providers… horrendous stories.
Protectors? Who are these men protecting me from? Because it isn’t other women?
The most I can think of is validation. Women need men for validation. The male gaze, the rite of passage that is marriage and motherhood.
I don’t actually want to be barren and alone. I want to be with someone. But I do need some things first.
I would like validation. I am a good person but I don’t need validation to live my life.
Next, I would like someone to show companionship, and kindness to me, love and respect. But I treat myself pretty well… if I could clean up my act mentally I would be perfect.
Protection? Yeah I actually do need someone to protect me… I have some vicious vultures in my family and I wish all those times when I did need protection I did have a protector… would have actually helped me set and understand healthy boundaries.
Provision? I would love a financial partner who can provide for me financially, would definitely help but I thank God at present I can pay my bills. May God continue to allow me to do so. Otherwise, what is he providing? I’m very much hoping for mental and physical stability. For more details read… “With his chest”
Love? I’m intrigued. This man will be teaching me to love as if for the first time… because I don’t know how to love romantically. I met someone I could adore, adoration is