No scrubs
My mother introduced me to a man before Christmas…. He is so ugly I thought it was a joke. He’s in his 40’s and it seems like my mother all but promised him marriage… he’s short, ugly and not interesting. He also comes off disgusting in a way I can’t explain. This isn’t “the ick” he gives me hives. As soon as he showed up with chocolate and doors open I thought to myself “is there something I am missing?” Why does he know so much about me? Why is he hanging around like bad breath? I couldn’t understand why he didn’t get the message for a month that he’s not welcome. I don’t like African men. There is a lot of manipulation going on. He wanted to date, which when I refused he said “let’s be friends” which sounds way less manipulative than it is. “Friends” means he still wants to sleep with me, he’s simply hovering for when I’m susceptible but because I am a “friend” I will never progress to “ girlfriend” and he won’t tell his girlfriend about me. Which is dumb, if you don’t want to be my girlfriend, will you be my side-piece? Any man that you allow those terms has no respect for you. I’m being polite and playing nice while my mum needs him, but I have no intention of being anything for him. I don’t have male friends. I don’t want them. I feel so triggered because he’s pushing in my face that which I don’t want, and my mum is telling me to take it. “It’s not so bad” yeah because he’s not raping me at gun point. But a man who doesn’t care about you consenting to the relationship before it even started won’t care once it’s in motion and I have already had enough experience with guys who look the part of a good man but aren’t. The man I am in love with didn’t actually give a monkeys about how he appeared to you. That’s your problem. He knows he’s good and that’s what matters. He was always there, supporting me, helping me, challenging me. So I won’t settle for someone who stalks my non-existent social media accounts and opens doors and plays Christian music to pretend he’s good. I know what good looks like. Good looks like “one day will be great” whereas this guy looks like “ one day will abuse me” and because he charmed my mum I will have no where to turn to. Why in Gods name would I settle for the 2023 version of a scrub?
I can do better
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother-Smith