Ain’t nobody raping y’all
I have recently pondered why white men are obsessed with me. And not in a good way. They’re obsessed with making my life difficult. It’s unseemly. Please mind your business. I use the word obsessive because they can’t seem to leave me alone. There’s something about me that brings out the beast in them. These men talk of the evils of slavery, segregation and racism, yet it isn’t poor white men I need to fear sexual violence from. It’s rich white men. I was at anti-racism training once and some old colleagues scared me to death because I realised these men would rape me if they could. I once called them untested rather than righteous, that is kind. I nearly entitled the post “ain’t nobody raping y’all” because the truth is that I am one bad day away from a rich white man raping me. They still believe they’re entitled to my body, my life, my peace. They just have been socialised to be covert not overt about it. The sentiment remains. In the sexual violence post I had not learned the lesson which I am now about to share. I no longer believe in the inherent goodness of white men. There are some white men who are good, they must be vetted, the wheat must be sorted from the chaff because there is a lot of chaff. Also, it is rich white men who are the problem. Regardless of age the colonial mindset has not left the middle classes. Love rarely drives me. Hatred does, vengeance does, rage does. I want to take back what is mine. What is mine? My peace, my dignity, my right to pursue happiness.
I must stress it is not all white men who are bad. Nor do I believe in the inherent villainy of white men. But I seek rare souls, wise souls, gentle souls , souls of pure heart. And I am now a hell of a lot more hesitant to say a white man falls into that category. Almost as much as of not more so than men of my own skin colour. A quote from Instagram. “Men have always wanted to lay me down but never to lift me up, and the ones who have shown me kindness and love are the ones who have never touched me.” So true. Black men want to sleep with me and discard me. White men want to sleep with me and destroy me. Neither love me, I am looking for a man who loves me. In addition to being wise and funny and kind.
But make no mistake the sons of the KKK wear hoodies and are hiding in plain sight. Racism won’t die with love. It will only die with pain. Economic pain. Only when I am not reliant on white men for money will I gain respect. I don’t need to destroy in return. I actually only want to live my life in peace and away from the terrorism of rich white men. and when we remove economic supremacy from the west can my people know peace. Really all I want is peace.
Why are you so obsessed with me? Go check on your Becky’s they’re not okay.
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother Smith