Love Language
Love language
What is my love language? How I give love is acts of service and gifts. That’s how I show love. How do I receive it?
The truth is you often take what you are given not what you need when it comes to love. So what are my love languages when it comes to being loved?
Acts of service, definitely, that opens me up to relax. Feeling safe and supported is completely vital for me. Next is quality time. I have to want to spend time with you. I really quite enjoy my own company so your presence needs to enhance my life and be superior to solitude. One of the reasons I knew I didn’t love my ex husband was that I didn’t yearn to be with him. I wasn’t running home to be with him. If I wanted quality conversation and company with adults, then I got that at work, not at home. Sad. Next I have to say physical touch. If you give me safety and support in your acts of service, provide stimulating discourse in your quality time, then I am gonna wanna touch you. I’m physically affectionate with those who provide me with safety and comfort. I do actually enjoy touch, but not excessively so. Never in public I was raised by African parents, who were exceptionally loving. Yet didn’t touch in public. My mum’s current profile picture is of my dad kissing her on the cheek. A rare moment I captured 3 years ago. However this woman had been through sacrifices known and unknown. The ones I know about include giving up her career for his, starting a business to get him the life he wanted in retirement, and loving caring for him through 2 cancers and multiple co-morbidities at the time of that picture and less than 18 months later she cared for him until death parted them. So yes she deserves a kiss on the cheek when her daughter took her on a family day out. But back to me. Physical affection on my part means I have been loved well, the first 2 needs have been met and I am fully open, and feminine.. I can then be playful and affectionate. Well done husband, you’ve unlocked that part of my personality. Next is what I call the bonus rounds. Words of affirmation. Words mean nothing to me without the acts of service backing them up. So if I have a man who provides for me, his conversation is stimulating, I don’t shy away from his touch, and I want to touch in return. Then how often he says I am beautiful or he loves me is kind of irrelevant. My parents said it birthday’s and Christmas to each other but they were married 31 years.
Finally there’s gifts. I’m hard to buy gifts for. I despise generic gifts such as chocolate and “smellies “ I love flowers, hyacinths, roses, (white) (yellow was dad’s favourite) it must be bespoke and thoughtful. I actually don’t need it to be expensive, even though I have expensive taste, it doesn’t need to be expensive, just thoughtful. Dad got me books in subjects that I was interested in. How much does a book cost? £8? It would take months or years for that to bother me.
Hilariously I struggle to find a man to fulfill the first 2. If it was an even weighting for each 5 it would be 40% but it isn’t even. It’s not even. Acts of service make up 70%, then quality time makes 20% physical touch is 5%, then words of affirmation and gifts make up the other 5% put together.
My husband provides safety and hypergamy,(mental and physical,) he adores me and wants to touch me without threatening me. So he wants to give me compliments and gifts because he feels he’s hit the jackpot (because he has)
Really it’s simple. So why do men want to make it complicated? Relationships nowadays are about a woman making a 8 bedroom mansion when her man gives her 3 wet logs. No safety and yet men want a “lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets” when the woman is receiving nothing, superficial nothing that virtue signals to the back end of no where. A lot of women take so little that we idolise such low standards. A “good morning text” is not love. Nor is a man buying you flowers food or nails, if you’re giving your body, then actually you are prostituting yourself for Uber eats. Is it worth it? He won’t commit, he won’t give you what you actually want so you take what he offers you. He gets sexual on date one which proves he hasn’t emotionally matured since the age of 12… but he’s 40. Why are you confusing attention with love? A man complimented my coat today, does that mean he loves me? No, it means he likes my coat. It can be that deep. People are so starved of real love, connection and care, that people take the hint of the whisper of care. Love is obsession, not a “wyd” text, but a call, everyday, not, “did you eat?” But plans made, hands declared and intentions shown. Bare minimum does not interest me, I want a man who makes my heart soar and he feels more than likewise. He must love me more. Because the care a man shows his wife and children is completely dependent on how he feels about her. My husband worships and adores me. He shows me such deep attentiveness to my needs and wants that I feel safe to take risks such as sex and child birth. No dick jokes, immature acts and bare minimum. Anything less than high quality is less than I deserve and I don’t accept that. I have had to struggle with this notion because my mother introduced me to a man. He paid me attention. Didn’t like him. I had been commodified and he’d come to collect. No actual love or tenderness, just a show of dickishness. Pretence and pretending. But attention was shown. I had to put my foot down hard. My mother now is attempting the “drip drip” method of manipulation, trying to get me to “settle down” and take what is in front of me rather than what I want. My beloved has shown that the man I want is not just possible, but I am not asking for too much. I remain strong. But it has really hurt my mental health for my mother to think so little of me to have me settle for what she put in front of me. It was insulting…
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother Smith