Levels of Toxic
High Value Men vs High Value women.
Battle of the sexes time guys! Ding, ding, ding!!! Remember the basic rules. Love and peace, wished on all. Accountability for all. And equality. So we will not be going for the jugular on one gender but not the other.
Next. Context, my comments are aimed at cis-gendered heterosexual people only. I do not know enough about the LGBTQ+ community to pass judgement on whatever is going on in their streets, I’m sure you all have sins, we all do. But I don’t know them and I’m minding my business. There’s enough material here.
Mirror number 1. The high value woman.
As seen by men. Skinny thick, nails and hair done (if you are a black woman, this is going to set you back a minimum of circa £100 a month) gym 5 times a week to maintain her figure. Always supportive and “loyal” to her man. “Loyalty” means that she toxically swallows any misogynistic BS her man gives her. And by the way she always swallows. Nuff said. She is the ride or die type as that is the modern version of submission and when things go sour, all the things that make her attractive turn her into “dumb bitch” and “crazy ex” She’s always insta ready with “lady in the streets freak in the sheets” as her motto. She’s sexualised by herself and her man. She is seen as a trophy, she can’t be vulnerable or violated because that goes against her brand values. She wears designer and no one knows where she is getting the money from as she has a job, not a career. No other interests other than her man and looking good and living well.
Mirror number 2. High value man.
Her toxic counterpart. Gym 5 times a week as he needs to maintain his physic. He’s a “Businessman” “Doing Business” not owning a business, “doing business” (fraud) where he wears shoes with no socks that shows his ankles. On Insta often but not daily, showing pictures of him and his “loyal girl” (she’s 23 is she not a woman yet??? If so, why are you having sex with a girl??) he has a flashy car, and posts about “Hard work” and being on his “grind” He has no opinion on politics or anything other than fast cars, good restaurants expensive jewellery clothes and holidays, however you will hear him talk about the need for modern women to take “a red pill” and putting them down for having “recreational sex” All sex, unless you are trying for a child, is recreational. But who are these women having sex with? They’re having that recreational sex with you, and yet you are not being shamed as the other half of the equation. Their tempers are always close to the surface, and when things go sour, they withdraw, money, power status and things get ugly fast. They talk about “crazy ex’s” and “toxic baby mama drama” and there are more than “1 baby mama” yet he hasn’t put together that the common denominator is him. He too is hyper sexualised by himself as his brand, because he sees that as the epitome of masculinity. But unfortunately its toxic masculinity which traps him and doesn’t allow him to be vulnerable.
Mirror 3- Less obviously toxic “high value woman”
This used to be me in some ways (not all)
The woman who has it all. Career, marriage and babies. Spends her life devoted to all 3. Gives unsolicited advice and has a superiority complex 1 mile wide. Her status is tied to that of her man. The man is successful and she considers it her job to keep him there. The pushful mother. Keeps it “tight” for the marriage, slim built genetically and has judgement and condensation for all those women whose bodies do change after childbirth. Always trying to find out your business so she can talk about it. Posts on Instagram regularly with matching PJ’s and perfect hair, perfect life. No achievements of her own. Simply the family brand manager. Her worth is intrinsically tied to her husband and her children. Something bad happened to her in her past, which humanises her if she let it, but she doesn’t let it. She blogs, she bakes, she lets her kids play in the park and the family goes on holiday 4 times a year and eats dinner together. Has to “Hilary it out” when her husband cheats on her because she can’t afford the divorce on her social status. Her sexuality is less obvious. She is meant to be pretty not sexy like type 1. She plays the submissive wife but turns a blind eye when her husband talks about their intimate life and so actually her sexual performance is known quite widely.
Mirror 4. Less obviously toxic man.
I have to admit, this used to be “my type”
Tall, athletic, handsome. White male privilege has helped them along, but they don’t acknowledge it, they believe that they got where they are via “hard work.” They truly believe that their skin colour, gender and the fact that they are UK born had nothing to do with their success in life. They do everything perfect, they travelled on a gap year in their teens, holiday 4 times a year in their 20s and that makes him think he understands the plight of “poor people” he has posed for some “White saviour pictures with some hungry black kids he was teaching English to in the slums. The arrogance doesn’t come off strong at first, you need to see past the eloquent manners. But when you get a wiff of it, heaven help its poison seeps into your bones because the rest of his lies are so believable. He marries a pretty, thin, woman. Trophy wife, in his 50’s he divorces her because hes sleeping with a woman in her 30’s, yes, they are less obvious than their fathers, who went for teenage/early 20s but the reason is the same. They want to recapture youth and vigour. They are of reasonable intelligence and work “non jobs” but display “toxic hustle culture” because even though the work they do is for middle class causes, they wish to appear hugely busy and successful by emailing and harassing people after hours. They “spin the truth” to the point where it is no longer the truth, the single grain of truth in a 40 minute story of lies and misrepresentations. They see having regular sex and dominating people as how they are men and masculine. They “sowed wild oats” as a young man and managed to get the women to abort “any troubles” which means when they marry their thin woman, there are no pre-existing children involved. They seem happy with their thin woman for 20ish years, wait until the kids grow up then go for the younger women right up until they need a nursemaid to feed them.
Healthy Male.- The true high value man.
Hopefully still tall athletic and handsome. Has a wide range of interests and derives his value from his passions not from appearances of success. Is loving towards his family, respectful towards his mother, sisters, wife and daughters as appropriate. Humble, no arrogance. If religious, doesn’t do so arrogantly, just serves his God, if not religious then doesn’t hold it against anyone. Doesn’t do social media often/at all because he is more concerned about how things really are vs how they look. Has a work/life balance and wants to be there to tuck his kids into bed. Not perfect looking but scrubs up well. Acknowledges when life has given him a leg up and works hard to make the best of it. Doesn’t have tonnes of money but does okay, provides for his family and no one is without. Marries once and for life and works on making his marriage new everyday. He works on himself and is very much his own person both inside and outside the marriage. Marries a healthy woman who is his equal, no one is superior or dominant. They have regular sex, but do not attach their whole masculinity to it. They mind their business and don’t mention their sex lives in public to anyone.
Healthy female. The true high value woman.
How I aim to be.
Hopefully still well kept and beautiful! Her figure is her figure and she does her best with her body shape. Acknowledges that her body will change with childbirth. No surgery or extreme diets to keep “Instagram able” Doesn’t use that as an excuse to “get fat” and works on herself, both inside and outside the marriage. Marries a healthy man and is focused on being genuinely happy. If religious she does not use that to be judgemental, or catty or gossip. She simply serves her God and minds her own business. If not religious she simply minds her own business. Her children are healthy, and that is an achievement on its own. She has a work life balance and she aims to be there for her children. Lives and serves her family humbly, with no personal status tied to that of either her children or her husband, seeing herself as her own person within a family. Is more concerned about having a happy life rather than a life for social media.
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother Smith