Is it natural for a man to desire marriage?

Open question? Seriously? Is it?

This is a woman’s perspective, a woman who is criminally underexposed to men her own age. I have 2 male colleagues. I have friend’s husband’s/partners but I keep a respectful distance away. I have a rule, I don’t message the man without either permission from the woman or if its something like urgent IT support, telling her later. I don’t know why, but as a single woman “Caesar’s wife needs to be above reproach” i.e. no one should be able to accuse me of impropriety. I WILL NOT be the “Becky with the good hair” in anyone’s marriage. So nothing even remotely open to interpretation can be communicated. Good vibes only.

As a result I cannot say I have any sort of exposure to men. I am just as underexposed to men at 30 as I was at 18. And at 18 that was enough to make me suicidal. I was that lonely because of how sheltered I was. I had only 1 male friend and the less said about that the better.

So as a result, I am a single woman with no actual idea what men actually want. My ex husband is an abuser and therefore is not representative of what the men I genuinely desire want.

I would like to uncomplicate men.

I assume that men are into the same things that women are into. Hobbies, work, dealing with their own demons. I would like to think that men are just like me, except for the lack of periods and other general woman related suffering like misogyny.

I assume men want to self actualise and become their best self,  pursue interests and good living, just as women do.

I assume that the superficial “gym bros” are just the male equivalents of the “babes” that go the doctor to get the shape they want rather than the shape God gave them.

I assume that the arrogance that some men give off is simply the surety that everything will still go well for you if you treat people badly. They’d call it having standards and everyone else would call it an attitude problem.

I assume men do cry because if they didn’t then millions of years of evolution would have removed their tear ducts.

I assume that men do want marriage because they ultimately know they want companionship for the rest of their lives. Not sure if men do in fact enjoy providing financially, with modern capitalism and all, but I am sure that men recognise that there are multiple ways a man can provide a stable home for his families. i.e. the rise of the modern man.

I assume men like to take care of themselves and aren’t soap avoidant. To the ones that don’t it isn’t 2006 anymore and you aren’t 16 so you can’t behave as if you are.

But what is in it for men these days in terms of marriage? Let’s assume that the man in question wants children.

·        Companionship

·        Financial support (let’s face it the streets are street-ing these days with the “cost of living crisis”)

·        Different perspective on life.

·        Someone to nurture him

·        Physical attraction

·        Sex.

·        Stability

·        His own family

·        Someone to nurture (in a masculine way)

·        Someone to take care of him

·        Love and affection

Its perfectly normal for a man to desire these things. Yet I ask why? Apparently humans aren’t monogamous creatures (I believe that to be nonsense.)

Humans when they are rich, aren’t monogamous, if you look at the lives of the rich and famous, they are fascinating because they are always climbing into bed with someone new. This is because they believe their power and status gives them unlimited options, the truth is it gives them more people below them who believe that. It isn’t actualy true. Fame and money do not make you more attractive or a better person. It just looks that way.

Kings and chiefs always have mistresses and no one thinks of what it must be to be a beautiful woman locked in a harem for a man to seek out once in a while, what a waste of life and what a selfish man.

The truth is that there are lots of selfish men, either due to having a chip on their shoulders (like being short/small penis) or scarcity mentality or greed. But they aren’t the majority, they just shout the loudest. Healed or healing men have a stable attachment style and they are monogamous. When have you seen a man who has his head screwed on having sex with multiple women? Adultery is a sexual deviancy and if he is deviant in the bedroom he is deviant outside of it. Let me be clear. Nice guys don’t commit adultery/polyamoury. That is a game for deeply unhealed men. Don’t play along.

 So do real men desire marriage? And if so, what kind of marriage? The wedding industry needs to know. A big wedding with all the trimmings? An elopement? A small intimate wedding?

True story. My mum let my dad arrange their wedding. He proposed on new year’s eve. They married 5 weeks later on the 3rd of February, the weekend closest to my mum’s birthday which is the 6th. They married in a registry office with 2 witnesses who were my dad’s dormmates (he was doing his master’s at the University of East Anglia in Norwich) and then they went to the pub (the first and last time my parents ever went to a pub) 5 years later they renewed their vows. That marriage lasted 31 years. Only death parted them.

The truth is, I hope men do desire marriage. Or at least one man. He’s my future husband.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother Smith.