Is it controversial to obey?

Hi guys, right off the bat of my “Ride or die” post, I felt this needed its own… The question is, is it controversial for a woman to say she wishes to obey her husband in a marriage.

I really hope not. Because I intend to say those words with gusto.

Part of me is dreading my family’s reaction when I use the word. Obedience has negative connotations in the 21st century. Also in the post 50 shades of grey world, telling someone you are the submissive in the relationship creates all sorts of gutter images in their mind.

In fact, how I know I have met my forever husband is that he is the man that I actually WANT to say the words obey, I will want to serve him in all things and I will want to obey… It surely makes for less arguments if there is no ambiguity as to who is in charge. And I need for my husband to be in charge. Because I’ve seen what happens when I’m in charge, its okay, but I need to have a great life. And that can only happen when people come into your life with complimentary skills. In this case, leadership, dominance.

Dominance is different form aggression. See my “dick on the table” post. Power, when wielded responsibly by the right person, is a good thing. I do not doubt there will be times my husband will make the wrong call for the marriage, and I will speak up, nor does obedience meant that I never have a voice, but it means that I leave the things I am not strong at to his good judgement and I focus on getting from “good to great” on the things I am good at.

There is a difference between obedience and deference. I will not defer to my husband, I will obey him. I will serve him, but you are talking to an independent intellectual being who has her own opinions and can voice them very well. So, I will always be respectful to my husband, but not deferential. Eve was created out of Adam’s side for a reason, she is his equal and companion, not his subordinate to defer to him.

This is a man who will empower and embolden me to be my best self because he is not threatened by me being my best self, in fact that brings out the best in him. For if I am naturally inclined to obedience, that means that my husband is naturally inclined to assertiveness (not aggression or arrogance) which is why opposites attract. And it also means that his natural instinct is he will be joyful and glad that I am obedient to him, because then he is in his natural state of dominance because he has someone to be dominant to. You can’t be a dominant personality if you have no one to dominate. My natural state emboldens and empowers his natural state and that means we are both staying in our natural state, which if nothing else is healthy.

Please remember that feminism doesn’t mean that women should do it all. It only means that women should get to choose which bits they do. I plan to be a wife and a mother, the only 2 roles they’ll put on my gravestone. Businesswoman is how I earn the bread I need to earn to give my family the lives I believe they deserve. However, my business is a tool I use to serve my family. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum without its reason for existence.

It takes a real man to satisfy a real woman. And I am a powerful woman and I know it. So for a man to get me to obey, he’ll have to display real mental and emotional strength and agility. He’ll need to intellectually dominate me, practically as well as physically and sexually. He’ll need to be in touch with his feelings. The gentleman being gentle with a gentle lady’s heart. Think of the picture President Obama being Michelle Obama’s umbrella holder, when they came to the UK. He was the most powerful man in the world at the time and he had people to hold his own umbrella if he so chose, he had people to hold her umbrella as well, however all he wanted to do was to make sure his wife stayed out of the rain. The thing I love most about that image is that President Obama didn’t look as if the act was a chore or a duty, it was what he WANTED to do. He WANTED to serve his wife. And that is the level of devotion I need and expect. No demand. Anything less then please don’t apply.

The next thing I love about the image is Michelle Obama was completely unbothered, she wasn’t honoured that the most powerful man on earth was holding an umbrella for her, she saw her husband doing his job well and so she just did her job well too. Through mutual service they both gained and they both enabled each other to be their best selves.

The Bible says the greatest amongst you will be the servant. That won’t be me, that will be my husband humbly serving his wife and children. Because that is what real men do. Real men serve, serve God, serve their families, and serve their community, in that order. That’s the kind of man I expect and that’s why its not controversial to say I plan to obey.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother-Smith.