In Christ alone…

As we’re listening to Christian music, I want to bring you my personal ideology. The final verse of the song “in Christ alone.”

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand:
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

For those who don’t know how we do things around here. Let the analysis begin.

“No guilt in life, no fear in death”

I have faced death more times than I am aware of and the ones I am aware of…I have faced death more than you know. I don’t wish to discuss that. However it does teach you a certain brazenness. Such boldness comes from someone who has stared death in the face…and death…blinked…for now. You live life with a certain authenticity. Because you just don’t care anymore. You have to go on…knowing as long as you do no man any wrong…then time and tide waits for no man. No guilt worrying about what other people think of you… they can go hang. That’s not my problem. You have to trust yourself to be the best you can and when you are wrong, you need to trust yourself to be introspective…and check yourself enough to go down on your knees and ask the Almighty for forgiveness.

“This is the power of Christ in me”

Jesus Christ is the living embodiment of power. Jesus had so much power that even death couldn’t overcome him. Christ’s power in each of us manifests differently. In me it involves an unflinching honesty with myself, my decisions, my troupes, traits and frailties. Jesus is propping me up whether I say it out loud or not. I can’t do anything without him…and if he decides to call me home…then this little project called Grace and Courage… is over. So The power of Christ in me is in my frailtiy keeping my head above water, stopping me from drowning… But in my power. He is the one that gives me the victory, every victory and helps me ascend with humility, having given me the tools I need to ascend. He leads my path, he is the path. My life is a testament to his love and his power shows me the how to take a step. Just one step at a time. I have no vision for what 40 looks like, or 35 or even 33, I just know that Jesus will be with me.

From life’s first cry…to final breath.

My God, what an emotional line. I’ve looked that final breath in the face too long. There have been times when I have not thought I will make it. And when I say make it, I mean make something as simple as my next breath. My first cry was much like everyone else’s, but my final breath will be the end of an extraordinary life. I know that now. Which means whatever I am going through now, it is temporary. Everything you know about me now…you are looking at a still of a movie and trying to work out the whole plot…you will fail. I am complex, I am fast moving…I am deeper than you can imagine. So darlings, don’t do that to me, or anyone else. Judgement should only come after the final breath.

Jesus commands my destiny…

I know there is more to my story. I know I get my happy ending. I know there is so much of me left to discover. I know there is so much beauty left for me to see. I know I want to love more deeply than I can imagine, I know that there is so much left to experience. Pain, joy, sorrow, excitement. But how much of that I see, how many mountains I ascend, how many lakes I swim in…Jesus commands my destiny…I just need the courage and conviction to trust him and to do his will.

No power of hell, no scheme of man… can ever pluck me from his hand.

My favourite lines of the song. These lines are why I love this song. This is what grace is. I screw up regularly. Sometimes I feel like I screw up more regularly than everyone else. I feel like everyone else has it worked out. But I don’t. I’m 31 single. Beautiful. Smart… and yet, where is everything I want? The devil is alive and well tormenting my thoughts on with numerous theories as to why this is… spoiler alert: its all my fault… yet this line is the main assurance I have in this life that my life is, was, and ever shall be his. I am God’s child… and no power of hell, no scheme of man… can ever ruin that for me. And believe me, there are so many schemes of man… misogyny, racism, colourism, capitalism… stigma around mental health… that without this grace… Well, I’d be lost. I’m not the best Christian. I’m far more concerned with living in peace with my fellow man than doing all the outward throws of religion. I walk by faith, not by sight. Not religion either. I find “religion” extremely destructive. People have done incredible acts of savagery, when acting on their “religion” but never when they act in “faith” Faith is something you have. Religion is something you want others to see. I have no religion, but my faith is in Jesus Christ and I live by his teachings. As his child. A Christian.

Till He returns or calls me home,
And then… it will one day be all over… It is God I answer to for my sins, for the life I have wasted or lived well. It is God I answer to for how I treat my fellow man. It is God I answer to for how I have treated his creation. So until I have to account for my actions, I ask you give me the benefit of the doubt, and then I will give you the same. I need to be obsessed with minding my own business and atoning for all my sins, to be looking at you and yours. So until he returns, or calls me home. I’ll be watering my own garden, tending to my own broken parts. Heaven knows that is enough to keep me busy until the second coming.

Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

For the rest of my life however, I will stand… boldly…in Christ’s power. Not my own. Making eye contact with all of you. Acting right. Not looking right. That’s why I have this blog, there’s a lot of unflinching honesty that goes down here. You should join us. My life, it doesn’t matter if it is short or long, it will be in Christ’s power. Not my own. And that’s how I know it will be magical, successful. Because as his child, he wants me to have the best of life. Left to myself, I screw it up. So that is why I have made that choice. To live in Christ’s power. To find a better way. To use everything he teaches me to make the world a better place.

In Christ alone…my hope is found.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother Smith.