He’s not that into you.

I tried messaging a black dude yesterday, and I spent the rest of the day regretting it.

It actually wasn’t him… It was me.

He looked different… He didn’t look like a guy who would pontificate to me about slavery, the evil white people and he looked like an educated guy living his best life.

So what was the problem? I “unicornized him.”

After all if all I’m after is an educated man who would treat me like a queen then why can’t he be a black man? Why can’t I have my Jay-Z to my Beyonce?

Well because Jay-Z cheated on Beyonce and if my husband does that to me, I will go to prison gladly for the things I will do to him.

The problem with me and black men is that I have always got so much hope. I once had a disastrous “texting” experience where we were both getting along perfectly well until he heard I was a minister’s daughter. “Does that mean you can’t have sex before marriage?” he asked.

I responded with “I choose not to have sex before marriage.”

The next message was “Goodbye, nice knowing you, no hard feelings.”

Some people will say, “well you have dodged a bullet because he was only after one thing” well consider that I have not been meaningfully talking to a man since my dad passed and you’d appreciate some pleasant conversation from someone who wasn’t your mother too.

Ultimately, unicorns don’t exist and I need to get out of my stupid “Black love” fantasy. As I have said a black man can’t actually love you better than a white man can. The highest love a black man can achieve is the same as the highest that a white person can achieve. There is not superiority. What black love in fact glamourises is struggle love. You and your man against the world, only he can understand you because of the colour of his skin.

Well it can be true, that black men can understand black women better. However, there is a difference between can and does. He can understand us better, but whether or not he does or not is a matter of choice. Just like white men, and men of other races. They can choose to empathise with you, but if he choses to or not is down to his character.

So black women need to get away from this stupid notion of “black love” love is love, if the man loves you, he will make maximum effort, it doesn’t matter what race he is.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother Smith.