Healthy Black boys

Let me give you the clearest example I have seen of “life isn’t fair” this one cut me deep.

So, I was walking to work a little later than normal and I spot 2 healthy black boys, the elder, was between 5-6 and the younger, clearly 4 and starting reception. They held hands and were so bright and full of joy, youthful vitality and innocence. They were crossing the road in the opposite direction to me. They, like me crossed the road halfway on a red man. I’d seen these boys before. Their innocence and vitality had struck me before. I remember the first time I’d seen them, they were walking on the pavement, some way back, on the same road. My first thought when I saw them was “aww, they’re so cute!” Its unusual to see brothers hold hands if they’re not being forced to. Boys just don’t do that. Then I continued walking down the street and noticed the lack of parent behind them. I thought to myself. “I hope that they’re not walking by themselves???” Well, this time I saw them alone… again. So, I asked the elder.

“Excuse me, where are your parents?”

He responded “My mum has work so I’m taking my little brother to school.”

I said to him “Okay, but you’re safe, right? Stay safe and look both ways when crossing the road, Cross on the green man” I proceeded to wait on the halfway point to make sure they crossed safely on the green man.

What I should have said was “you are precious to God, for the love of his mercy, please remain blessed and innocent. Let no man dim your light.”

Context, Kennington road is a dual carriageway, major arterial road in London. It is no joke and I was 13 before my parents allowed me to cross a road like that by myself.

Life is unfair. I’m a 31 year old childless woman. And I don’t often identify as a childless woman, but this time, I do. I have no children and I desparately want them. But I have no husband and I’m not so desparate I’d rob my children of their father, their true father, my husband… amongst many other birthrights. So I have no children, I give generously instead to other people’s children, because I have none, and I’d like to spread joy to other people.

So it cuts me to the bone when I see someone who has what I most want in my life, healthy black sons, (or daughters) the way my inner child imagined her family to be, and they treat them with such calvalir nature. I’m desparate, truly desparate, sometimes the loneliness is too much for me, I’d give anything to have a healthy child to hold and call my own. I want a big family, that consists of 4 healthy children, with the same joy, vitality and innocence as those boys. This woman has 2 and she sent them off to school… Babies. She sent babies off to school… By themselves.

What if they’re kidnapped? I’m a black woman, I want to see these boys thrive (for reasons other than their race, they’re objectively handsome, sweet, innocent and cute.) yet there are some sickos in this world who do not see it that way, they see young black boys with such amazing light glowing from within and they’ll seek to destroy it.

Does anyone else remember Madeline McCann? The 3 year old that went missing? Does anyone else pick up on the fact that in 2009 we had parents of a 3 year old girl and 2 year old twins leave that 3 year old in charge of the twins to go to a resturant? No one else thought that incomprehensibly irresponsible other than me. What happened? It was the 3 year old that got kidnapped. Yet if they’d had a babysitter nothing would have happened, because paedophiles target the weak, that’s why they’re attracted to children, they’re too young to say no.

What if they saw something life-changing and there was no safe, responsible adult to turn to? Kennington road, as I said is a dual carriageway/artierial road into Waterloo. It is no joke, the cars are travelling fast (for central London) it is not a particularly safe road for adults, I’m sure there’s been plenty of accidents on that road, there sure as hell have been plenty of altercations between cyclists and man, cyclists and cars and cars and man. What in God’s name makes you think its safe for children? What if they witnessed an assult? A road traffic accident? Racial slurring? Who is there to provide comfort and safety in that moment? Why is that not hugely important?

Finally, who is there to provide stimulating adult-child interactions? Some of my happiest childhood memories are of my father taking me to school, we’d talk about science, politics, history (my interests) and they helped me grow and self actualise, critically think etc… everyone else takes their kids to school and unwittingly does these things, why is it our sons are “carrying last” Why has the standard for bare minimum fallen through the floor? Our parents were poor, our parents worked hard and all hours. But yet I was always dressed for school, I was always read to, I was always fed, I was always taken to school by a loving responsible adult. Mainly my parents but that wasn’t always possible.

I’m not saying this woman is necessarily negligent, I’m saying she doesn’t realise how precious I hold what she has. These boys are the future of the black community and we’re adultifying them at 4 and 6. Boys shouldn’t be going to school on their own. They are not men. They should be loved, and protected and cuddled. That protection is important because when that innocence is gone, its gone. Can’t get it back. I’m also saying I’m well aware that times are tough. But both boys have classmates and those classmates have…parents, parents who can take your children to school rather than them go by themselves. Where’s the black community now? Where is my human community now? Are you really telling me that each boy would be in a class of approximately 30, so 29 other parents (times 2 as there are 2 little boys in this situation) don’t see those boys going to school on their own? No one stepped in to help? In the middle of central London, in a built up area no one lives close enough to offer help? You’re not serious, (God, please forbid my next words) Those boys turn up dead you’ll be the ones on BBC crying

“They were so bright and innocent, the community will never be the same without them, they’ll be missed!”

Putting teddy bears down, but not enough for you to take an active interest in their success and lend a hand. My opinion is that any honest parent would understand the pressures this mother is going through and do their bit to raise strong, healthy, protected boys. As that’s what community is for right? Even me, I was saying to myself, if I had the money I’d say to the mother,

“Get a nanny, pay someone to take those boys to school, I’ll re-imburse you,”

Please for the love of God don’t let me see such innocence being bandied about on streets that don’t deserve them. It’s the African auntie in me, but hey, someone has to see the humanity in these children.

Next, I have one important point to make. In the conversation, I did not ask “where is your mother?” I asked “where ARE your parents.” You see, we each have 2 biological parents, a mother and a father. It did not even occur to the boy where his father is. So he comes from a single parent household. Men, we cannot leave children to fend for themselves because you want to play Xbox with your boys until 3am. Becuase you wish to evade responsibility. Where the hell are you? Don’t tell me that you take your sons on weekends, what exact good is that doing at 8:30am on a cold November morning when they need to get to school safely? That, my darling, is negligence. If anything happens to them, I’m laying blame at your door as well as the mother’s for the situation you put her in. If you’ve split up with the mother of your child and you aren’t doing the school run, that child support better be covering the money for a nanny to take those boys to school. No? Didn’t think so. Best pray I never find your broke-minded ass, scrimping on two beautiful, vibrant children.

There is legitimately a child with a maximum age of 6 being a carer for a child maximum age of 4 (because I’m assuming the younger one has started school instead of a uniformed nursury with a school attached because the elder one said “taking my brother to school”) This idea is WILD to me, as I was a loved and cherished child. “The black community” looked out for me. When I was going to secondary school my parents the first time took me the route of my school run, and we tested it out on how good I’d be with road safety. My “Church grandma” (read, matriarch with not one drop of genetic relation but loved me like a grandchild) Mrs Cisamba would take her grandson on the schoolrun and she’d wait for me to get off the bus opposite my house, say “Hi grandma,” then she’d watch me cross the street. It was the Old Kent Road and similiarly, like Kennington road it is an arterial/dual carriageway road. So at 13, I was still being watched over and cared for and at 6 this little boy is in charge of his brother. What if he fails? What will that do to him? Why don’t we care? This is a national scandal, and these boys are sleepwalking into a hard life for no reason. They deserve better, their humanity demands it. But if I can’t appeal to your humanity… Then I demand it. I demand you/someone take care of these boys. Because some of you don’t fear God, I can tell by the way you are trashing his creation. God gave us these beautiful, healthy, cherished, bright sons, for us to look after and so if you don’t fear God, fear me. God forgives. Me? Not so much, especially when it comes to children and childhood. Because one of them could find a cure for cancer or climate change if given half the chance to self actualise. Or they could become a CEO or doctor…or just a really kind person as opposed to a really jaded one because actually what I witnessed is child abuse. Adultification is child abuse. Giving a child tasks they are not old enough for is giving them crippling responsibility, robbing them of a childhood they won’t get back and building resentment. Its why we no longer send children up chimneys.

I’m also not saying that the 6 year old should never be left in charge of the 4 year old. It should be for 5 minutes at a time in a really, safe space. Because Lord knows, the 6 year old is still young enough to get up to mischief. I wouldn’t do it for longer than 5 minutes for even a pee break. Children watch over younger siblings from around the 6 mark, I’d say 7 is more reasonable, but I’m sure 6 does happen. The reason I am objecting is not just because he’s doing unpaid, adulting emotional labour (and somewhat physical i.e. restraining a 4 year old at a road) but if he’s doing it on Kennington freaking road, he’s doing a lot more behind closed doors, you don’t ask your child for 1 big thing in the street in public and ask him for nothing else. He may be doing mild meal prep, house cleaning, other carer work for this little brother/mother/any further siblings he may have. And that, is not okay. He should be watching Sesame street (showing my age) or Dora the Explorer, or whatever else kids like these days.

For me, this is a race issue. This is happening to those boys because they’re black. Because they’re black, their humanity is worth less, even to their parents. Because they’re black the standards of care and love offered to them are lower. A white mother would have quit her job and stayed on benefits and allowed the state to take care of her and the children, the black mother went to go “hustle” We are the first to erase our children’s fragility, preferring to tell them to be “strong” black boys glorifiying babies growing up “in the streets”, instead of “healthy, respectful, articulate, cherished, nurtured, self-actualised black boys” who grew up “in the home of 2 loving, respectful, married, self actualised, dual income homes”

Cherish your sons. Your healthy, black sons.

and pray for poor women such as myself who don’t have what you have been blessed with… Even when they’re high on sugar and won’t go to bed until 10pm…

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother Smith.