Haters gonna hate, writers gonna write.
Writing is my secret joy. There are times when I literally yearn for the laptop and the peace it gives.
I’m not a reactionary or a commentator. I write about my life, in all its fullness. So when I write about the death of a man who I have never watched his content I find myself in an unusual position.
Recently I have picked up more “black” content. I try not to pick up too much of this content because it skews your view of the world. I don’t want to run around thinking “white people are evil” when I live in the smallest village in Hampshire and I’m surrounded by white people. White people are good people, white people are bad people, white people are ugly people and everything in between. Same for black people. And any people.
So whilst we are talking about ugly people it is will sad note I mark the passing of a human being, Kevin Samuels. I never watched his content so I can’t judge him. I have heard snippets of other people mentioning his name or his content. The power of a man is that other people are making livings commenting on his comments. He was clearly a kingmaker and set the narrative.
What is clear from everything I have absorbed is that this is a man that hated women and a black woman clearly hurt him in the past (often the mother) and as a result he sought to punish the entire global population of black women. Some people are like that. What never seems to have transpired is any sort of understanding of this man. No one sent him to therapy. No one got him to open up about all the women who have rejected him. I am not a believer in the term “coaches don’t play” which often comes to mean relationship coaches don’t play the field. Often because they are the worst in relationships. My parents were both teachers and were acutely aware (and overcompensated for) the saying “a teacher’s child is always the worst behaved”
I believe that I shouldn’t take wisdom from someone I don’t want to end up like. If you look at me, I’m fairly slim and some might say healthy, however I eat crap and I wouldn’t advise you take my advice on what to eat. I wouldn’t offer it. Instead I will give generic advice about eating 5 fruit and veg a day. Its inauthentic. In the same vein, God only knows who and what broke those black women enough to listen to a single 56 year old man with a clear and obvious hatred for women. He wanted to get you into bed and he succeeded.
My ladies, as someone on her healing journey and therefore I can say this with authority. Please heal yourself. Please don’t go and seek approval in those who will never give it to you. Kevin Samuels has now gone to his grave and you still don’t have the validation you wanted from him. His standards were impossible to meet because he never had intention of you meeting them.
As for the commentators. I respectfully ask that you not give bullies airtime. The world has enough hate spewing around the place without you informing people of second hand hate. Let’s spread wholesomeness, not diseased thinking.
Finally I want to touch on a point that hit me on the bus recently. We have some many people telling us that we are not desirable. I am talking about everyone here. If you are not a straight white Christian male over 5 ft 10, good looking, intelligent, with a good job (preferably over 6 figures) no disabilities and not overweight, then you are undesirable. I should know because that is my ideal man in terms of outward facing characteristics. (personality counts a lot by the way before you call me shallow) but do you know how many people, of the 7 billion odd fall into that category, a few million? Only if you take away the 6 figures requirement. But it shows that society has been skewed to suit a tiny proportion of the world’s population and the rest of us go from birth being told there is something wrong with us.
Allow me to clarify. If you are reading this right now. I want to be abundantly clear. There is, nothing wrong with you. You are whole just as you are. You do not have to fight for the gaze or the attention of anyone. Please work on your self esteem. Please also work on your self concept. You are loved, you are special, you are important. If you don’t believe me, honestly I will give you my number and I will say it to your face. Everyone is important. Everyone is deserving of love and healing. There are no such things as high or low value people. They are merely undesirable to you. Your way of viewing the world is not “the” way. Don’t try to establish a narrative which brings people down. Always try to lift people up.
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother Smith.