Golddigger 2022
Hypergamy. I hope I have spelt it right, spellcheck will correct me if I am wrong.
I first heard the word from my friend who described it as a woman who wants to move up in the world via marriage and relationships. Formalising the concept of “marrying well” and using your beauty to secure a successful match (for you.) Technically it’s the act of marrying or being in a committed relationship with a person with a superior educational, sociological or material background.
Cruel concept if you are a man and all you have to offer the world is money. Wonderful concept if you are a woman. I am a woman. I am all about hypergamy. Let’s face it we all are.
One of the things I have realised about my self concept is that I grew up from an under privileged background. In my opinion that was due to the decisions of my parents not my parents circumstances. As a result I have spent my life chasing a life for myself and my children that is so radically different to the one I was born into that my children cannot comprehend that life. I want them to have a better life than mine. Not a life free form pain and suffering but a life that is more wholesome and free from the worries I had growing up.
How does this girl achieve this? Hypergamy. I want a man that I believe that I have “levelled up” by marrying him. In turn I want a man than believes he has massively “levelled up” by marrying me. Hypergamy works both ways. It in fact only fails if only one person believes they have levelled up.
Does that make me a golddigger? No because for me Hypergamy isn’t just about money. For me its about intellect, breadth of interests and passions, self actualisation and self esteem. Growing up the way I did and the decisions I have made have caused horrendous self esteem problems which I know I will be fighting the rest of my life to shake. It is vitally important to me that my husband comes from a stable 2 parent married household and has siblings. It is vital that he is emotionally aware of himself and is intelligent and has more to him than just “work” or “socialising” that he has ideas, ideals, standards and passions. He needs to be his own person complete in himself and doesn’t need me to constantly validate. That for me is Hypergamy. Men like that are always successful so money will be earnt well. We will not be perfect together, we will be the best we can be together, encouraging. Challenging and able to take one another as they are.
For me Hypergamy is marrying into stability. I would like a mentally stable man. I have worked with the mentally wounded for too long. They are always picking at their own cuts waiting for a explosion of blood to come out so they can bleed, copiously over you. I don’t want that. I don’t want my children to live in fear of their mentally unstable father (or mother) I want them to have peace.
Peace, in today’s society is a luxury item. I went to watch the fishes with a friend yesterday. A peaceful day, and amongst a handful in my life such as that. Simple pleasures don’t always need to cost money. They do however have a price. The price of carving out a day with yourself, and having a partner who understands the importance of that. When I was with my ex, we’d do nice things for each other, however it was on a small scale, not something that would give the other peace or joy, maybe momentary happiness at best. Having a husband that understands the need for peace and the value of a peaceful life is hypergamy to me. There are many fights to fight. Let others who value war fight them. As the saying goes, the children of war always want peace, the children of peace always want war. I am a child of war. I define love as the ability to give peace. My love language is acts of service and gifts. Because I like people who I love to have a moment of peace by me making their lives easier, or having a moment of peace from the gift I have bought, hence why my gifts tend to be experiences.
Choice is hypergamy to me. I have a range of interests, I have a range of passions I love having the choice of which I do. Which I get to do. How I decide to self actualise that day. Now that requires a certain level of resources and I know my husband and I will be able to provide for ourselves easily. As well as our children.
So there you have it. I believe in Hypergamy. I believe in being in a relationship with a man who is more worldly, intelligent and passionate than myself. He believes in being in a relationship with a woman who is gentle, peaceful and loving. Together, via mutual hypergamy we both level up.
To leave you with the paraphrased of Kanye West “I aint saying she’s a golddigger, she ain’t messing with no broke mister’s” and when she means broke, its financial, emotional, sexual, and physical.
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother Smith.
P.S. One day I will marry. I am extremely interested in seeing how well these blog posts age when I finally meet my husband.