God ain’t done with me yet.

Saturday I provided my local church with some well needed glamour. I am a beautiful glamourous black woman and when I shine… I shine. And on Saturday I shone.

As an usherette. I was asked by my priest to help serve drinks at a local concert. I said yes. I needed to take myself out of myself and they say the best and easiest way of doing so is to volunteer. So I did. We raised £500 in on the door ticket sales (God forgive me but I feel like some of that money went missing) A dude was very keen on taking the door money to the till, he said there was £480 there. But remember we’d sold some of these tickets on line and so they wouldn’t have had the money in that particular cash tin.

Anyway. I did good. Really good. I was charming and I was able to “up sell” almost everyone on the programme for £2 each. I was gracious, welcoming and engaging. I’m basically hyping myself up because I've been invitied to 2 volunteering engagements for this month (July) alone. I’m just that good. But what it is proof of is that God isn’t done with me. God wants me in the church and whilst “blind faith” is not really my bag anymore, a respectful faith, where 2 old friends who have been through a lot and have a lot of respect for each other (I’ve been through a lot, God has watched me do it and has propped my ass up when necessary)

But I believe that is God’s way of reeling me back in. Rather than court marshal my ass. He is gently tugging me towards him, making me feel needed, loved. The last 12 months with my parents I have realised more than ever I need God. I want the relief of having someone to rely on. To do all the hard stuff. Because my life is very hard. Sometimes, outrageously so. So I pray that this is it. The end of my suffering as opposed to my pain (the end of my pain would be really great, but I can’t have everything.)

But its early days… lets see if my ass makes it to church on Sunday.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother Smith