Feminism needs to benefit men
Confession time. I went speed dating yesterday. And whilst I didn’t have any wild “love at first sight moments, I did however have a lovely time. Pulled me out of my shell and meant I had some real conversations with real people. Lovely people.
But what did strike me was that I was the one holding conversations up with most of the guys. There were some good guys there, If you want a guy able to hold a conversation on an interesting topic + well mannered and interesting you need… A Foreign dude. Yep that’s right British ladies, if you are after a smart dude who is socialised and intelligent with a wide range of interests look no further than…Anywhere but here. Which I thought was sad. I met plenty of guys I want to become friends with, but that’s not really the point of the exercise. Anyway. We need to look at for a second why Feminism needs to benefit men.
Let’s start off 250 years ago. Before the advent of any sort of feminism. Women were in the home, men were providers. Women weren’t educated, they could be smart. But they weren’t educated formally. Therefore it was incumbent on the man to be worldly, interesting and interested. Therefore he could hold a conversation about his interests, passions and things he’d seen and done. This would hold the lady in his thrall.
Then we get to the 70’s 80’s 90’s where you had exceptionalism. The man was still the dominant partner, still being the interesting one with classically masculine traits being sought such as determination, passion, assertiveness and logical thinking. Men were still expected to do more because they still needed to be the providers, with some “exceptional” women that they let through the ranks as well.
Now skip forward to 2022. At some point in the last few decades the education system started favouring girls, girls started to do better academically and the point was to even up the scales. Wrong, we haven’t found that balance yet and I’m not advocating tinkering with peoples lives for one giant social experiment “for the greater good.” Girls started outperforming boys in school and no one had a thought as to what happened when these girls and boys left school. Now we have hoards of highly educated women and disadvantaged men. Not saying that these men should be given advantages of male privilege. Male privilege only ever benefits the top 33% of males. What happened was society tipped the balance against the other 67%. The men with the potential to do well academically became the average, the ones who had average potential moved to below average and so on. The results, poor conversation, poor socialisation, poorer everything and everyone.
Sorry to state the obvious, but men and women were created equal. Classically feminine traits are needed at times, these include, patience, nurture emotional intelligence and gentleness. Also, classically masculine traits are needed too. They include, assertiveness, boldness, rigour and strength. Either gender can display both characteristics and we need an education system that rewards and appreciates both.
Women have stepped up, massively, we’ve taken jobs that used to be male dominated and made them our own. We’ve used both feminine and masculine traits to get there. I know I can be very masculine when I want to be. Determined, single minded focus, driven, passionate and direct are all words used to describe me in the workplace. When I was married these words took a derogatory tone. It made me cold, and cruel because I was doing something I shouldn’t be… providing for my family. However the point isn’t just that women have stepped up. Its that men have stepped down… Massively.
Back in the day deadbeat dads were slightly less common simply because as men were providers and women were dependant on them, it takes real balls to up and leave your wife and kids destitute, at the mercy of charity and likely to starve to death just because you don’t love them anymore. There was no safety net so men did actually have to step up.
Now we have the state. Women work, so if you don’t love her anymore, no worries dump her. The state will look after her, or she’ll look after herself. I’m not by the way advocating for men to be bound to women they don’t love so these women don’t starve to death. I am however looking for the men to step up a bit more on emotional intelligence, hobbies, interests and broader perspectives from my brethren.
What the hell happened to hobbies? Do people legit sit on Netflix all day??? For serious? All that male privilege and you waste it on NETFLIX??? What happened to interests, knowledge of the world and an opinion on your place in it. You got nothing??? Really? TV is killing our sons, mother’s please I’m truly asking you, begging you. If you see your son/daughter numbing themselves with TV. Take that thing out of the socket and burn it. Make them experience the world around them.
It does make me realise I was born privileged. My parents are educated, I was surrounded by knowledge for free and so I have been used to having philosophical discussions, political debates and discourse on subjects ranging from science to history. My parents pushed me because “I’m a girl, I can’t afford to be stupid” Stupid girls get played. And its true, a woman who isn’t educated has fewer job prospects, more likely to live in poverty and is easy prey for emotional and sexual abuse.
But our sons were not pushed. And that is the gap I’m seeing right now. Feminism has benefitted the girls, with focus, attention, resources. Now we need to give all that love and care to the boys, otherwise they will fall so far behind that will never catch up. And that doesn’t benefit anyone.
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother-Smith.