Female incels.

Hopefully you know that Incels are classed as “involuntary celebates” a term to describe men who hold beliefs that they have been rejected by women as a whole and that these women owe them their god given right to sex.

I have been listening to Mahogany pink recently, a youtube content creator trying to “empower black women to look outside their race for marriageable men” paraphrasing.

Now I’m not saying this woman is a female incel, I am only going to talk about myself. She is an American and a lot of her content translates across the Atlantic. Black British women face similar levels (much lower due to the absence of guns) of sexual and physical violence, abuse and problems with institutional racism. As a result the content can resonate with me.

It is a matter of fact not opinion that on both sides of the Atlantic that black women face these increased dangers and that the threat is posed largely from black men. Why? Because women of all races are indoctrinated that they are the keepers of the community and that they shouldn’t marry outside of their race. Black women especially. Therefore we are less likely to marry interaccially (this is changing with my generation) because there is an extreme slut shaming when you do so. I remember my cousin Sam telling me in the early stages of my dating my ex husband (who was white) that he’d do all manner of things rather than bring a white woman home to meet his parents. It was seen as riske as late as 2010. Now its normal. All my cousins in the UK bar 2 are with white people, which makes sense seeing as the UK is predominately white.

A digression, Mahogany pink speak to largely statistics, I’ve listened to a lot of black female content creators who are millennials and Gen Z and what shocks me is that a lot of black humor and black problems are trauma related. What I worry about is a rise in black women incels.

Black humor is gallows humor. We call each other the N word for heaven’s sake (read Negro,please) its poverty humor and has a level of violence to it.

The problem with the black community to my eyes seems like misogyny. It’s a highly misogynistic culture which is crumbling in a modern world where you need 2 incomes to survive. Kevin Samuels, was a problematic man who played on fear. He preached to incels.

But black women incels are due to the fact that millennial women and generations before were told overtly and covertly that we are ugly. (for me it was covert) especially by our own men. (when I was in Haberdashers a school in London with a large black community, I felt especially undesirable to black boys who were often larger than their white counterparts and definitely louder. But hell so were we!) As a result we gain very low self esteem and “settle” for “dusties”

“Dusties” have no colour. My ex husband, Jude was a 9 year relationship proving that point. I remember his friend having a one night stand with a black woman and he was pissed because he wanted to be the first one to have sex with a black woman in his friendship group. I have no idea why I didn’t leave after that. Then there was the case where he’d complain to me, his wife that his mistress’  husband was showing his horns (in a disgusting way mind you) and not seeing the irony of his disrespect. I “trauma loaded” by taking on his distress at being usurped by an even more obese man than himself.  But back to my point, men who weren’t raised right, have no race. In the same way that women who weren’t raised right have no race either. And pointing out men who haven’t been raised right doesn’t make you an incel. I am celibate and I’d rather be married, but I don’t believe men are collectively denying me my right to sex. I do believe I haven’t found my husband and therefore I am withholding sex from all men who are not my husband, just like I did with Judas. That puts me from disempowered to empowered. The choice not to have sex is my own, and therefore even though I’d rather be married, I’m voluntarily celibate, I simply fear for women that are using the ”black men did me wrong” argument to fall into a victim mindset and scarcity mindset. I hear all over from Kevin Samuels and his minions to “empowerment sisters” that there is a shortage of good black men who have been raised right. I believe that to have a glint of truth in there. The black community is more likely to have single parent households and we all know that it makes it that much harder but not impossible to succeed. So its not that these men are bad, its just that they may take longer to mature because they have to discover what masculinity is because their mothers couldn’t teach them. Also there are all the associated problems with single parent families, adultification, son-spouse mentality etc… which you need to get over and so men have to actively choose to act with integrity and courage and as the phrase goes,

You don’t rise to the occaision you fall to your standards”

That is different to saying there are no good black men, if we say that that means that there are no good black women because unless you are mixed race you are from a black man and therefore 50% of you at least is bad. So careful.

Anyway all that being said that doesn’t mean that I would choose a black spouse. Unfortunately my dears too much has happened, I have witnessed to much and I have written about some of it, not all. Therefore even though I believe that black men can be good, it doesn’t mean that I want to sacrifice my youth and beauty on a quest to “make them good” nope. Not my problem. Fuck community, it is not my destiny to suffer. Not my destiny to be a statistic of the many black women who sacrificed their bodies to carry black seed for the propagation of a race of men that hate them. I want my children to have a better life than me. That can’t happen when the black community refers to their men as “N*****” and their women as “Bitches hoes, and sluts” Like I said “Dusty” has no colour my ex referred to all his previous sexual partners as sluts and I was too young, too sure in being different and in my virginity to not see that as a red flag. He basically projected the failure of the relationship on the fact that these women “used him for sex” if you saw the state of that man’s body, you’d know this to be a lie. No woman would “use him for sex,” he was flattering himself. As I said, my ex was one long lesson in “white people ain’t God” They ain’t that bad either. As long as when you cut them, they bleed a person is a person. I’m just not sacrificing myself in a game with losing odds. I love myself which is why I want a hypergamous relationship. I did feel slighted and triggered by some of Mahogany Pink’s words on pick meism. Simply because I felt attacked being my natural self, in work and in the home, I am a submissive character. I want a traditional lifestyle where I get to spend as much time as possible enjoying my children, not rushing the joy of motherhood. I believe that you can only do that with the stable structure of a committed, married 2 parent home. Or to be more specific, I believe I can only do so in the stable structure of a committed, married, 2 parent home. But I worry that with the increase of single mothers and single highly educated women that we may end up with female incels who are involuntarily single and may stop empathising with black men especially (note I didn’t stipulate a race in the early part of the sentence) and start hating them. I believe we’re seeing the start of this now. In the next 5 years I believe we’re going to go from pointing out how black men have abused, beaten, raped and killed us, to getting angry at them for doing so, and leaving them. The oppressed only stay that way for so long. Black women are already marrying outside the community. Its only a matter of time before black women especially stop saying “how can I understand black men and improve myself to attract a good black man” and start saying “Black men are trash beings who are deliberately denying me my God given birthright to marriage, children, stable home, financial security and a life free from violence.” And they will stop marching to defend them and start turning on them.

Men, be careful. Change your ways whilst you still have  a choice.

Women. Please don’t hate, be careful too. As I have recently closed with a Dr King quote, I feel the need to do it again.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: ​“Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Once again, please listen to the good doctor, people.

Grace and courage.

Annetta Mother Smith.