Compliments of the season
Compliments of the season
“You are very kind” the comment of a gentleman who I moved seats so he and his family could sit together on the tube.
Thanks you, little bit of sparkle” before getting on that particular tube I saw a lady with a sparkly “Mrs B” hairpiece. I complimented her on it.
“Thanks so much!” A mum who I moved seats for so she and her son (approx 4) could have front row seats at the top of a double decker bus from Basingstoke.
What does this say about me other than if I think you need a seat more than me, then I will give it to you.
What does it say about me other than that I’m always looking for ways to bring people together?
What does it say about me other than I primarily use my voice to lift people up?
It speaks to the woman I am now. For too long I identified as a “girl” someone small, to be protected, taken care of, at best… “young lady”
Still malleable, inexperienced, I negated my own experience and overplayed my naïveté.
I couldn’t be a woman. That puts me 1 step closer to “old woman”
But I am a woman. A good one at that. And a… dare I say it. A strong one. But strength has manifested itself in me in a different way to how I thought. I witnessed someone do something dangerous… I spoke up. I followed up and I am now following through. The courage it has taken me to do something like that speaks mainly to the level of danger that presented itself but it finally shows this little lioness finally finding her roar. Because people walk past dangerous situations all the time. And doing nothing makes you complicit in future sins. My backbone would never allow me. Now, when my boundaries are crossed, I speak. I had to tell someone that they hurt my feelings. I have never in my life said that to anyone and I had to do it the same day as pulling someone up for doing something dangerous. I shook both times and I read out how I felt rather than spoke. But I had those conversations. I practically ran home saying “I hate being an adult” but it is an acknowledgment that I am in fact an adult.
I can now say I can completely reject the title “leader” when I last spoke to my life coach we talked about “the inner leader” the truth is there is no inner leader in me. The people I have seen talk most about leadership are in fact… not. aspiring to be someone great. To be known. To be remembered. To be seen as successful. But I don’t need those things. It’s not about who I am becoming. It is who I am.
I am a lady. In BeaBAD I set out my stall. With wild, passionate love of myself and humanity. This is far more gentle. More nuanced. How i behave when i am centred is so important. I have spent more time than ever on becoming more centred. I have written before about your development points are actually your stress responses. When people feel threatened they close up, then you say they’re reserved, but then the same people have people they’re comfortable with and are described as warm and bubbly. (Minor digressions, as it turns out I can’t help but compliment people. I have been writing on the tube, then a coffee shop and I have still complimented a lady with amazing rings.) others are described as scatterbrained, but others say they’re the most organised person they know. I can go on, but the point is the same. For me it’s not about changing who I am. Or who you are. But instead trying to stop tapping into your stress responses and instead tapping into you… just you. Because you are capable, you are articulate, you are courageous, you are all the things they say you aren’t, because they don’t actually know you. They’re well versed in your stress responses, they know your inner wounded child on first name terms. But the whole adult, the healed, the untouchable soul? Unlikely.
Hence why I identify as a lady. I am what I am and who I am. Leaders tend to be males. And the female ones tend to pay a price that I am unwilling to pay. They lean too much on the masculine traits. When I think of women leaders, I think of Maggie Thatcher and Winnie Mandela. Winnie waited 30+ years only to end up divorced and divisive, Maggie Thatcher raised a whole criminal. Our children are our link with eternity. Your political legacy will last hundreds of years, but your home? Your hearth? Eternal. I say that because when you go to the cemetery you only ever see, mother, wife, sister, daughter, aunt. It’s relationships that matter. This last week has been one of intense growth for the lady Anna. She’s understood the importance of relationships, relationships are her “how” and her “why” at work on Tuesday I spoke at work about “heart soaring moments” it is in fact my heart that I live for. Lady Anna has heart, heart gives her courage, heart gives her grace. Lady Anna has discernment, to meter out those two characteristics as appropriate. Lady Anna is a quiet,thoughtful, thought provoking figure of influence, not someone who needs to stand on stage or in the centre of the room. I need to stop wanting what other people are and be myself.
A line from my favourite hymn describes God as the “still small voice of calm” and in truth if I am to become more Godly, then it will be the art of being the “still small voice of calm” the truth is I actually have challenging conversations at work every day. And how do I approach each one? Gently. Remember gentleness is not weakness, again I repeat that it is the power to destroy, but the unwillingness to do so and the strength of holding someone in your hand. Only when you carry an egg 10 miles do you realise the strength it takes to be gentle. In fact this has inspired me to do a gentleness challenge. Hold an egg in your hand for a day. You can’t put it down, you can’t crack it or put it in your pocket. You must hold something fragile in your hand whilst it tests your endurance, shows the strength you have and exposes your resourcefulness. It isn’t a strength you can attest to. That’s the best part. There’s no ego or glory in saying “I held an egg in my hand for 8 hours” but it is something fragile, something that takes from you and doesn’t give back and something that you must do with humility, ego will break that egg in seconds. You can’t manipulate, cajole, force that egg to be less of a burden to you. Instead you must take your trial with grace. You also cannot snap or spite anyone around you because you are in pain because you are bearing this seemingly small load. It really is beyond perfect as an analogy.
Lady Anna when she speaks speaks with poise, gravitas and articulation, women are intuitive communicators and it is my version of intuition that is never wrong. I use my intuitions to be proactive, like seeing families on public transport who want to sit together and making that happen, or finding who needed to be lifted up and giving them a compliment or a listening ear.
Some people come on this earth to be a storm, big bold and something the rest of mankind has to “weather” then when they are gone you appreciate the beauty of peace.
I was born to be a river. I am grounded, deep, I draw people to me. I’m refreshing, but when I’m overwhelmed I am terrifying. So my characteristics in Beautiful African Dangerous (BeaBAD) hold true. Think River Niger, Think River Congo, think River Senegal. Do you see the arrogance of man temper those rivers? Yet the people of its banks speak of it with reverence and love for they rely on it and only a madman would cross it. I gently mould the land over hundreds of years and am a constant presence that people can come to for beauty, inspiration or for nourishment.
I never thought calling myself a river would count as a compliment. But it’s the single biggest compliment I can give myself in this season. The season of Lady Anna Mother Smith
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother Smith
P.S. in the time it took me to leave for this party, I was gracious to someone who messed up my very expensive gift for a friend so I got my end result via patiently getting him to my result. Complimented a guy with cool Rupert bear trousers and I gave up my seat for a maybe 7 year (old child. I don’t normally speak to peoples kids on public transport but that kid was clearly not old enough to be standing on the Piccadilly line on a Saturday. So I just pointed at my seat and said “switch” which allowed the even younger sibling to sit on this child’s lap and then the man next to me was shamed into offering the mother a seat. Maybe I am just conscious of other people’s suffering and it is suffering when it’s on the tube. But more importantly… Be the change you want to see in the world, guys.