The princess and the frog
My favourite aunt who I was named after married an ugly dude 35 years ago. It was dubbed “the beauty and the beast wedding” His name was Olu, and when I was 3 and met him I asked him “are you Ugly Uncle Olu?” I bet my mum wanted the ground to swallow her whole. The reason I think of this is because we’ve normalised that beautiful women settle for ugly men. So that there is balance in the relationship. We all remember when Beyonce got pregnant the (both times) how hard people were praying that Jay-Z’s genes weren’t strong.
We’ve not just normalised beautiful women settling for ugly men, but useless men too. My ex was ugly. I was ugly when I was around him, the reason women like me go for men like him is simple. We don’t want to work that hard. It is only when I decided I was going to work that hard and work on myself that I got the status as “hot ex” I’m the hot ex wife who he foolishly let go. If people ever found out he cheated on me and who he cheated on me with… Dude, I’m embarrassed for you.
But the process of “glowing and growing” as TMS put it and the “Level up” Ciara song I find to be just as problematic as the old social adages. Now we always have to be in movement, “Making moves” with the expectation that those moves will bear fruit, that people can see them. The last 2 months have wreaked havoc on my mental health. Yet my skin has never looked so good. There have been times I have not gotten out of bed before noon but when I do, I have been looking beautiful. Sometimes its literally an achievement to get out of bed. Other times its an achievement to take on the world. But I dislike the idea that either we’re doing something or worth nothing, because I resent being in this dogmatic world of being either a princess or a frog. I am both. I swim and I look great in a ballgown (I actually can’t swim in real life)
People talk about progression not perfection. In my mental health journey, I have seen progression. I deal with bad situations with increased grace. Today has been a frog day. I’m sick of being a princess, I’m writing in my PJ’s hair of the devil, with my petty ON! Sometimes you need to get all the pain inside you out otherwise you turn it from pain to suffering.
Tomorrow, I may be a princess, I may be kind, helpful and obey the scout law (that is the Beaver scout promise) Thursday, I may be a princess with frog feet. But ultimately, I’m still me, beautiful, flawed and in a lot of pain right now. Here’s to being both Princess and frog.
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother-Smith