Sekhmet- She who is powerful
My father was a Leo, a Lion of a man even before star signs. The daughter of a Lion is a Lioness. And I am Sekhmet. The Lion headed Egyptian Goddess of Chaos. It means “She who is powerful” She’s also the Goddess of War. I am so glad that the Egyptians were true to actual nature when talking about war. Men fight on a logical level, women fight with a fury and an emotional level, which is why men, before the great wars have battles, and women go to war. They go to war with a school for their children, they go to war over the house not being clean, they go war with their husband’s mistress over his cheating ass. Very few westerners have lived through an actual war on home turf, they have often been fought very far away and so in the west we don’t really know the feeling of a man’s war. But the 3 examples I gave you of the woman’s war? Everyone knows viscerally the chaos a woman can create when vexed. and because I have never been so vexed I have never been so powerful. Power, is taking charge of a situation. Power is controlling what your narrative is and what is said over you. Power is getting up and walking away from a table when respect wasn’t being served.
So let me tell you what was being served. I was in a job I love. A position that gave me status and money to live my dreams, take my mum to Stockholm, and the Ritz. I walked away. Why? Because that trip is in July, I can’t take my mum to Stockholm if I’m dead and I was being treated with such cruelty I wouldn’t have made it out of February. Screw respect, basic humanity wasn’t even being served. So I walked. I did not let that person change my narrative. I walked away at the height of my powers knowing in my soul I am an outstanding Finance professional, uniquely suited to that organisation. Yet if they can’t see that, I am not the one to teach people.
The thing is, we’re all adults, and there are so many things we can teach one another. How to cook a new dish? Yes. An new skill in excel? Yes. But if you think I, as a 31 year old woman am here to teach a grown man how to be respectful? Who do I look like? God? God can change people. I am not God, I am an employee at a company. I do my job, mind my business and collect my hard earnt wages. Nothing more. So it is not my job to teach you manners. But you can’t get mad at my reaction to your disrespect. Especially when it was so unfailingly unbelievably deferential and respectful. This is not to blow my own horn, but how I handled the offenders offending was built to be faultlessly developmental and reflective. I’m not interested in revenge or point scoring. I want to see him win, and improve behaviour, even if its not with me, becuase I take a zero tolerance to disrespect.
But back to my power. I wielded my power in the manner that befits this particular lady. Regally. Because I’m royalty. I for the first time in my life, talked about my past in a way to make people understand my future. I am so proud of myself. For the first time, the past is not something I am ashamed to talk about. I don’t talk from a place of trauma, but I recognised it as a part of myself as normal as my left elbow. Its there, and its okay where it is. Don’t move it, don’t touch it, don’t agitate it., leave it alone, it will leave you alone. If you then allow someone to knock your funnybone really badly you will feel it, and then speak up. If they refuse to apologise. You don’t wait for them to stab you in the heart. You move out the way when you see they’ve got a knife.
The thing is. As a black woman, people often see you as a sacrificial lamb. Someone who is willing to do the bad things people won’t. Someone who is willing to take abuse they wouldn’t dare give to another person. But here’s the thing. I’m not just a black woman. I’m me. Annetta, who will not take abuse of any kind. And as an accountant I intergrity is an IFAC principal. So I can’t take that for granted. Mine and yours. Another IFAC principal? Professional Behaviour. Oh wow, how rude. The 3rd? Professional Standards and due care. 3 for 3. So as a woman who has learnt the hard way what you tolerate you pay for there was no way I was going to be humiliated, and abused. Because at the end of the day, having dined out on you they will then throw you under a bus and ask you to pick up the bill.
So far from disempowering me, they have made me the most powerful I have ever been in my life. Someone who values her life, cherishes herself and knows her worth and value.
So to quote Beyonce. “They’ll never take my power”
Long live Queen Sehkmet- She that is powerful.
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother Smith