You are nearly dead.

A friend of mine sent me a screenshot of an Instagram post “Men be like 39 and not looking for anything serious…. You are nearly dead???”

Love it. It has literally made my week, and before you come after me, it sums up my dating experience to date.

I decided to divorce my ex husband in November 2019. Feb 2020 I got my decree nisi which means that the court has determined there is no reasonable reason the couple can’t divorce (by the way I will not at any point be throwing shade at my ex husband, we do don’t do that here.) that was when I decided I was a free woman. Because shortly afterwards the pandemic hit and I spent all 3 lockdowns… alone. That was what delayed my decree absolut (legal end of the marriage) until February 2021.

So I have been on the dating scene for a while in short. And you know what? Its trash, when other women talk about “the streets” I didn’t know it would be so “Streety” Literally, one guy called me up using a video chat to masturbate to my face and voice. I could hear him do it. So when I hung up the call he got abusive. Then we have the men who clearly haven’t seen their way around a bar of soap all week and yet want to get their way around my body.

You will hear me say this on many occasions, sex education needs to be improved in the United Kingdom. If sex was invented today it would be highly regulated. Procreation only.

But lets stay on topic before you come at me.  You are nearly dead. I say this as a 30 year old woman, who considers herself mentally 22, this is because I believe that through my divorce I got a second lease of life and I get to live life whilst, young, pretty and rich. However the men I am coming for in this post lack critical self awareness. (and soap, lets not forget soap)

Big shout out to the “To my sisters podcast” who you’ll hear me reference on several occasions. In an early podcast, they spoke about “are you your types type?” The men I am holding a mirror to (the first one they have seen all week) are men who have not thought about this question.

Firstly let me say, “Tall” isn’t a personality type. That was a complete sentence.

Next if you are the kind of man who likes, “Netflix and chill.”  That is not a personality type either. Nor is it a proper date, if you are broke, just say it. But dinner and a movie please, and planned in advance, I’m not a “chirp chirp girl”

Finally “Liking dogs” is not a personality type. That too, was a complete sentence.

Think about if you have anything in common with the people you are attracted to.

I personally find knowledge attractive, and therefore I’m trying to amass as much knowledge as possible before they put me in the ground. So I go for intelligent guys. I find men who are masculine and not insecure attractive. I also love a good jawline. Basically my type is Henry Cavill but then again that could be said for the other 3.8 billion other women.

 But if you think you can still get casual hookups until you need a nursemaid to feed you, then go ahead my man. Go ahead. Where you are, you will not find me there.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother Smith.