Pretty Privilage
I was talking to a guy on Sunday about pretty privilege. I have it, he doesn’t and I can tell.
What is pretty privilege? Well, remember, its all relative but I’ll tell you what it means to me.
1. I’m upper-mid range to pretty privilege. I’ve never used it to get drinks bought for me, or a free lunch. I was brought up to pay my way, however I do believe its helped my career (as a dark-skinned black woman I need all the help I can get.)
2. It makes me pretty confident that I can get what I want in relationships with men. I’ve been prettier than all my exes have ever been handsome and therefore that has put me in the dominant position in relationships. They’re scared of loosing me.
3. It also means I can get whatever I want sexually (as a woman you can anyway) within the firm boundaries of consent, I’m normally the one consenting, but if I’m asking, I’m getting.
The striking thing about pretty privilege is that beauty is skin deep. So it can disappear at any time. Horrendous car accident? Bye bye pretty privilege. Turning 75? Bye! Had kids? Bye bye. As opposed to “white privilege ” and “male privilege” that stay with you forever. Personally I’d have preferred those for longevity’s sake but I will take what I have. It’s better than nothing.
But like I have said before, I am not actually pretty. I’m stunning. I have striking features, high cheekbones and a new realisation on the effect that has on the opposite sex.
When you are good looking it provides a “halo effect” on all your other actual qualities. If you are good looking and kind you are “super kind” good looking and smart? “Very intelligent” good looking and can put a sentence together? “Articulate”
But back to my ex. This isn’t my ex husband, although he had the same problem, this is a new ex.
We we’re having a pretty heavy conversation, and he tried to initiate sexting. Unfortunately for him he hasn’t realised he no longer has this privilege. Also,God didn’t make me that kind of stupid.
1. I was hella tired.
2. Just started a new job.
3. I’m 30 I’m not going to give you any information or pictures of me I can’t take back. So, I had some bitchy thoughts. Full disclosure, this is the “self reporting” side of courage. So now the focus is on me and my faulty, privileged, some might say arrogant response.
My first thought was. “Eew. Look at yourself.” Why do balding, overweight guys think they can get beautiful women? Must be male privilege because I believe my actual forever husband will be very handsome. God only knows why I take pity on ugly dudes. (See? Bitchy??)
Next thought was, “Sweetie” if I am going to sin, it’s not going to be with you” I don’t believe in sex before marriage. (It has no benefits to me) so I’m thinking that if I am going to let the kids standard down, it kind of needs to be Henry Cavill… at 30. Pretty sure he’s late 30’s now and someone’s man and dude I’m not going down for that sin… Adultery is a sin and I’ve had it done to me, I’m not doing it to someone else. So I’m going for when he didn’t need to wear a hat all the time and wasn’t in a serious relationship. Because that was a wonderful time for my eyes. Now I have grown a conscience life is less fun. Can’t look sinfully at men because that’s “someone’s son.” To be clear, “Looking sinfully” is to sexualise someone without their consent. Or even with their consent if you have reasons to believe that they are vulnerable. Strippers are a great example. (Both male and female) no one strips down naked/underwear from an “empowered” position. They’re doing it for money because they need money and have no other options. Ditto porn, prostitution, and onlyfans. These are vulnerable people who should be supported into a better life not turned into less than beasts. If you don’t believe me, go to your local maternity ward, coo at the babies there. “ one day you are going to be someone special little one, you will be the best deep throatier ever lived.” See how long before the parents throw hands. My guess is faster than the speed of light.
But back to me. The final thought was… “I can do better, why am I putting up with this shit?” “Am I really that bored? Lonely?” Mainly lonely.
I’m no fool I want to see how far pretty privilege can get me in this life. That’s brutal facts. Worse still if you have any sort of privilege I highly recommend you using it to the fullest advantage too. Just don’t trample on another human being.
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother Smith.