Manifesting basics.
I listen to a lot of manifesting guides, its my little idle pastime as background noise at work.
But let me tell you how I manifested a relationship with my mum that I literally said to my life coach was impossible 2 years ago.
Background. I’m from a West African family. We believe in Jesus, not manifesting, however I have to talk about when I have seen it work for me.
Basically, I realised during my “self care” blog I did/do a lot of work on myself. I sure as hell pour into myself from a full cup. However my version of manifesting is somewhat unorthodox. It can be summarised as: Fit in or F*** off.
I have basically created a life for myself which I couldn’t even picture 2.5 years ago. You don’t manifest specific people/objects. You manifest a way of life. My way of life can be described as busy, direct and disciplined. I give people a lot of grace, however my standards are high, if you can’t run with me that is fine, I keep my circle small, I have friends for different things. I also have tiers of friends, there are lots of people I call friends, however there are tiers. I don’t have a best friend. I have people I speak to every day, people I speak to once a month and people I speak to once a year. I am resourceful. I know who I can count on for what and who I can’t. I know people who I am a giver and people who I am a receiver. I nurture both relationships. I take care of my skin, body and mind. This is how I manifest my dream life.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s more to do. Need to get to my dream body, work on my mind as much as possible and there is more work to do with my relationships, but regarding most specifically my relationship with my mum. I have not seen an evolution, I have seen a full about face.
Because I have West African parents what I am not saying is that my parents were highly critical of me. When I divorced my abusive ex husband I kept my side of the story private, even in this blog I don’t go into the full horrors of his abuse. Meanwhile my ex- had spent years nurturing lies about me and telling everyone about it to the point where my own parents believed it. My view at the time was, if you believed I was capable of such cruelty, then believe it. The truth will always come out. (It did, my ex showed his ass to my parents in the most horrendous way, and only then did my parents stop taking his side.) However, the negative was that it ended up colouring how I saw myself, the lies penetrated my skin and it became part of my identity that I still to this day haven’t gotten rid of. As a result, I not only had to bear the criticism of me for my actual personal failings, I also had to listen to the fantasy ones too.
What happened next was I started having hard conversations and stating in no uncertain terms that what my ex was doing was not just abusive but complete fantasy. He’d exaggerated to the point it no longer even had that single grain of truth. I’d watched him do it.
I then started showing up for myself, and I managed my incredibly difficult divorce with incredible grace. I didn’t shout, I didn’t scream, I didn’t try and have my side of the story told. In fact during lock down 1, May 2020 I sent flowers to both his grandparents, the start of the pandemic was an incredibly scary time for us all and these people had been kind to me our entire relationship, I had taken them to be my own grandparents and I wanted to make sure they were okay. When I look back I wonder to myself how I managed to get through it. The answer is God. Honestly, because I had horrendously low self esteem, I’d been cheated on, lied about had my private life blasted for all to hear and gossip over all the while suffering from extreme mental illness and I needed to show up with my head held high and behave with dignity so that I would have no regrets when the whole thing was over. I was manifesting my highest self, and without knowing it, I was showing up as her.
Anything that would get in the way of me acting as my highest self had to go. Self pity, anger, revenge. All had to get with the programme or get lost. And so they got lost.
That really is all there is to it. You set your expectations, show up as the person who will get that thing and when you eventually look in the rear-view mirror, you are able to say “I made that happened” the odds may be against you, but you made it happen.
May the odds ever be in your favour.
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother-Smith