Insufficient love
You know what? I’m actually done with my countrymen. I actually sometimes wish I was born to some other nation because quite frankly my people been taking liberties for too long.
So let’s hear from the voice of rage.
The Albert academy band showed up to my aunt’s memorial. She’s an alumni so it’s cool. But why am I mad? They were meant to show up at my dads memorial… my auntie’s memorial was at 3pm. So was dads. At 3:15 the president of the band comes to my mum to say they can’t make it and never could…sorry.
My uncle. My absolutely useless uncle. Spiteful jackass… he threatened and he carried out the threat…to not go to the memorial. I have words. But I won’t use them. That’s not grief. It’s spite. Your wife’s funeral and you don’t show up? We’re all sat their not talking about the really loud insult he’s just paid us all. The family even used her married name and he didn’t show up to his wife’s funeral. It was a funeral because he robbed her of a proper one. Cremated her like a pauper away from all who loved her. Cruel. A professor. With hundreds if not thousands of former students and not to mention loved ones, friends. Yet she was cremated like a beggar. No one in attendance. Beyond disgraceful.
Then there is the lateness. Why do people show up late for funerals? I have no words. Her own sister missed the first half hour and as did her younger brother but not the older brother and other sister. Surely you came from the same location? It’s disrespectful not just to your recently departed sister but to your mum who you were also honouring.
Next we have “the matriarchy” turns out creoles aren’t patriarchal. We’re a gynecocracy. When you are in trouble, it’s a woman you call. You call a woman to lift chairs and tables. You call a woman to cook. You call a woman to get anything of importance done. The men will sing and play in a band when all the hard work has been done. But the women? We’ll break our backs in heels making sure things go well.
Then we need to talk about the feelings of sadness that I felt when we were doing the tables up and we realised the table cloths didn’t fit. Why? The table cloths were rectangular and the tables were circular. Then we didn’t have enough chair covers. It all gave the air of not being fully “covered” not loved enough to be done properly. And my aunt Mary was loved. She was beloved. So why does her funeral involve table cloths half done? Not ironed? Not enough table cloths for the 13 tables and top table? Is this a metaphor for the esteem you now hold my aunt? Because she’s dead you can get away with lacklustre efforts? Disgraceful. She shone like the sun and you are giving her the equivalent of aluminium. Not even a podium finish if you ask me. She deserved all the love she had in life. Which is a beautiful service followed by a glittering reception in the Sierra Leonean ex-pat community’s version of the Ritz. Not. This. This is an insult. Everyone will then brush it over and say it was a beautiful service and the food was good and I’m sure it will be. It will also be horrendously late. But Sierra Leonean’s never talk about speed of service when discussing an event. Because we as a nation…move slow. This lacadesical attitude has always irked me. A London girl so keen to get things done. It was this “get up and go” attitude that so defined my aunt. Because the truth is, when Sierra Leoneans “get up and go” we go far. We’re an incredibly talented people and our nation is rich in resources.. but like I said… we move slowly.
I for one would rather invite 5 people who love me than 300 who only 50 cared enough to show up on time. The measure of a life well lived is not measured in how many people you can cram into Walworth Road Methodist Church. It’s measured by the depth of love the people who love you, feel for you.
I do not. I will not. I cannot accept insufficient love
Grace and courage
Annetta Mother Smith