I’m not your mother

So picture this scenario. A cousin of mine wants to apply to study in the UK. Now in the past the family has rallied round and paid for a different cousin to study in Ukraine, that’s £30k+ living expenses, but that was a few years ago. Everyone has since retired. So this cousin asked me for help with bursaries, so I assumed he had the UCAS application process down. He didn’t have it down.

almost 3 weeks before the deadline I asked him if he’d applied. He said no. UCAS give out places in batches so he’d be in the last batch when places are in short supply. I gave him the application form and the deadline.

He was still picking universities. 3 weeks before the deadline.

He wanted to study at the university I work at. There were 2 courses. One was £99k+living costs and the other was £165k+living costs. He wanted the £165k… He’d done 0 research. My university has 3 bursary schemes, one with a full ride scholarship, the other 2 take £5k off student fees. which meant his chances of a bursary/scholarship was insanely low.

He applied anyway… apparently the family was going to find £33k per year + living expenses for his continued education.

He was given the application website by me. 3 weeks before the deadline.

Had he read it he would know there were requirements required from his teachers. He did not.

It gets worse…

So 2 days before the deadline he starts blowing up my phone.

starts to apply…

Realises his university needs to be registered in order for teachers to be able to submit his predicted grades in the back end, realises he needs his teachers to write references for him. Non of which he’s previously asked for…

And the day before the deadline… he gives up.

Now this was an important lesson.

Our family doesn’t have the money for the £3k laptop let alone £165k of education (literally more than my mortgage)

Meanwhile despite wanting a king’s ransom in fees and expenses he wasn’t willing to do the research to obtain his goal. Other people have applied for foreign universities. But meanwhile he wanted me to research it. As well as find the money for the easily £50k per year in fees and expenses (conservative estimate)

I decided if he wasn’t serious, then he’d need to face the consequences all by himself. His lack of planning does not consitute my emergency.

He also acted like because I work for a university I know how to apply for one. I last applied for university 15 years ago and 16,000 people work for my university. 400 people work for my department, I don’t know nearly enough people in student services (I know precisely 0 people) to be able to help him. He vastly overestimated my influence despite me giving him a realistic view.

He really thought the family would pay…for him to abandon his current degree in his penultimate year in order to study for 5 more years until he’s almost 30 before he gets a job.

The whole thing felt like dealing with a 14 year old not a 24 year old.

So… because I am not his mother I decided for him to fall by his weight.

Serves him right.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother Smith.