Head Cold- Heart Warm
Headcold-heart warm
I have a stinking cold. It’s bad. Really bad. I also have about 5 hours of homework that is unlikely to be completed today. I have been surviving. Essentially on God’s grace and sugar. Decided to go to Disneyland. This is me being my own superhero, I was meant to go as a child. My parents messed up. Big time. The original excuse was I didn’t have a passport. As a born British citizen my passport was always an application away. The actual truth was they didn’t have the money because they spent the money bribing my older brother to do as he was told. It’s taken 20 years but I am fixing it.I hate that it’s always me that has to fix things when my parents mess up and they mess up a lot. I’m sick as I said. Been sick for a few days and because my throat hurt I didn’t pick up the phone for my mother. Apparently that’s treating her with contempt less than a week after her very expensive surprise party for her birthday. Next is the fact that I am the one who is sick and it’s me that matters. Not anyone else. Which is a point I am planning on impressing upon my workplace as I resign today. It’s a Sunday. It won’t wait until Monday because it’s that triggering for me. I desperately want to get out of a victim mentality and that place is no good for me. Next, to business. I will get my tax qualification. Eventually. Simply because I keep promises to myself now. Next my business. I haven’t spoken much about it. Been desperately mentally ill. Culminating in a Samaritans call in which I envision med real danger to myself. Hence my reason for resigning on a Sunday. It really is that urgent. It was post that call I got a cold, but hey. Trading mental illness for physical illness is way easier. Everyone knows what a cold feels like. Very few people know what suicidal ideation and panic attacks are like. A fact for which I thank God. I actually don’t want you to walk a mile in my shoes. My shoes have holes in them are 2 sizes too small are ballet pumps and it’s raining outside. February rain. February in the U.K. rain. Let that sink in.
But back to business. You will continually be reminded of your purpose until you start living it. My purpose is to make sure we close the door on suffering, I want people to be paid well I want to be the change. I want people like me to be safe. Not exploited. I feel very passionately about that.
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother Smith