Forgiveness is…
Today I write about forgiveness. Apparently we forgive not because it is easy, but because we cant afford the inner destruction. Another wise adage is that anger is the poison we drink hoping the other person will die.
I have had tough choices to make recently at work. One of them if not the hardest, was to forgive someone who isn’t sorry. It hurts. He wronged me, he will never apologise, and he doesn’t care that he hurt me and trampled on something I held dear.
I believe that people who tell you to “just let it go” are full of it. Don’t rush the process, forgiveness is part of the healing process. You can’t forgive until you have at least started healing. Make your own decision as to when something is too heavy of a load to bear.
I’m taught via the Bible “Vengeance is mine said the Lord, and I surely will repay” I have had some really crappy things done to me by people, out of pettiness, racism, and worst of all, idleness. I didn’t wish bad things on them, even when they were putting me through the pits of hell. I just wanted justice, relief for the abuse. I was always told “let it go” and in the end I did let it go. I left the jobs for it. They made my life such hell, that at times I considered ending it, to relieve the pressure.
Forgiveness in the modern context isn’t my personal bag. I’m not a “forgiving” person because forgiveness nowadays we confuse it with absolution. I will not tell you what you did was okay to make you feel better. I will forgive you, but I will not make you feel better about what you did. You need to feel bad about what you did. You need to face up to the consequences of what you did. You need to understand that one of those consequences is that you hurt me. What you did was wrong.
I do however let the sin go and move on to the point where someone is insignificant. That is my personal vengeance, you will never define who I am.
Fun fact. I used to call my ex-husband’s first mistress (there were 4 before I got tired of it) “Becky with the good hair” it was a joke, her name actually is Becky, however she did not have good hair. But the reference is from a Beyonce song, where this woman that Jay-Z cheated on her with is a footnote in history. Beyonce is bigger than ever and this woman is a footnote in history. That is me. I get bigger until you are insignificant. I no longer see myself as the “wronged wife” I do aim to be the “ex that worked on herself, levelled up and never made those mistakes again”
I am in the depths of rage now, and I know that I feel that what is happening now feels all consuming, but I won’t remember them in 6 months let alone 6 years and if you remember my post about 40 year studies, then you know I won’t remember it in 40 years. So I will move on. Not because the person deserves my forgiveness, but because they’re not worth defining myself over. Nor are they going to be more than a footnote in my history. That is how I live with Grace and Courage, and not with bitterness and hatred.
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother-Smith.