Community cohesion

Today I had a wonderful experience, I sat in a café and decided today would be my writing day, a day to reset, recharge and enjoy something called “Life”

At one point a bus load of people from Northampton came on their way to Weymouth. The café I’m sitting is is part of a local tourist attraction and there are ducks, to be enjoyed. As a result I got to speak to a local minister, the only black woman who was in the group. She’s a lay preacher and we had a completely wonderful conversation about God, and crafting. Learning about each other in a moment of friendliness. I’d have never thought to speak to her, but yet there we were, two people who love arts and crafts and God’s creation. Very bonding. What was even more beautiful was that she introduced me to some of her charges, and so I instantly became one of the group. A lovely man called Gerald told me about China (we’re in a silk mill) and then he told me “Not to sell myself short, I am too beautiful for that.” This man doesn’t know me, but yet he has told me exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. None of this would have happened if he hadn’t taken a bus from his home to mine, and I hadn’t walked from my home to the café.

We need more moments like this, we need people who are interesting to learn from. I learnt about silk worms today. I also learnt about a woman called Maureen that asked me about my purpose in life.

I said I want to be a wife and a mum, and if I could use my life to lift people up, that would be great too. I’m sure that accounting is not my final destination, and as a result I know that my life will be used in some way for the benefit for others. I also believe life is meant for moments like that. How much money we make didn’t matter in this conversation, neither did our status in the world, we were just 3 people having a conversation, exchanging compliments and sharing knowledge. Knoweledge was passed so freely. It is something I love, to listen to someone tell their story. There is so much to be learnt from the older generation. Not just wisdom, but fun. The free exchange of knowledge is something that is particularly valuable to me as I grew up with a lot of adults, my dad would volunteer in old people’s homes and at one point my mum worked for one. Elderly doesn’t mean old. Which means that essentially old people are young people trapped in bodies that are loosing their bounce. That doesn’t mean killjoy, or miserly. It shouldn’t meant that they have forgotten what it is like to be young, and if they have, it is the younger generation’s job to remind them. Which is why we need to not separate the old from the young. Society has stratified and isolated different generations and much as I would find it suffocating to live with my mum again, if she was in a “granny annex” in my main house I’d love it. She’d certainly live longer and I would be queen of my own castle. She’d have a deep bond with her grandchildren, they’d have someone to do gardening, baking, sewing and singing with. She’d pass on skills and she’d have unlimited “IT support” Everyone would benefit from a closeness, a sense of community and belonging. Where the elderly are honored and respected and treated with kindness, dignity and respect. Everyone prospers. Why? Because a society is judged on how it treats its most vulnerable. They elderly are vulnerable to isolation, manipulation and abuse. The young are vulnerable to the same. We need each other. High time we realised.

I hate that people refer to old people as inconvenient and often try and “put their parents in a home” Putting your parents in a shared accommodation should be a heartrendering decision because you can’t look after them, not a way of getting rid of an inconvenience because you don’t want to deal.

When my dad was dying, he was privileged to be able to be looked after by his son and my mum for the most part. I am soft hearted and only did what I could do. I’d spend several hours each day with him and would sometimes spend the night, it was extremely hard, make no mistake because I refused to be the “sacrificial lamb” child. I had just left a job where I was working 20-16 hours per day regularly, and 12 hours towards the end. My dad had cancer for 3 months, I was emotionally drained. But I also wanted to be with my dad, I wanted to spend as much time with him whilst I could as I knew I didn’t have long. I valued our last interactions. I could have never put him in a home, or a hospice. I was blessed that I didn’t have to make that choice and I was blessed that there were people who would shoulder the brunt of taking care of him.

But old people benefit hugely from interacting with the young generation, and the young people benefit hugely from older people’s wisdom.

I’m not sure if this is community, its just necessary and natural for us to have a diverse mix of people in your society.

Finally on my interaction with the lovely Maureen and Gerald, she hugged me when she left. I needed that hug. I also needed her parting words.

“It doesn’t matter what other people think of you, it matters how God sees you”

Words to live by.

Grace and Courage,

Annetta Mother Smith.