Black excellence.
Why don’t we say “White excellence?” or “Asian Excellence” but we say Black excellence. Do you know what that is?
Exceptionalism. And I know that because I have been exceptionalised in my career.
Exceptionalism is a form of racism “Oh you are ok, but it’s the rest of your kind” I remember it vividly from the Brexit debate, when people would tell their Bulgarian Baristas called Elena, that all the Poles and Bulgarians need to “Go back home” but the one that was currently serving them their latte… they could stay.
Black excellence is another way we castigate ourselves. In an earlier post I discussed “Black lives matter.” That is true. I believe black lives do matter, but ALL black lives matter. Not just “Black excellence” the 1% of us that are getting into Oxbridge or passing the Bar. I’m fighting so that my kids will have the right to be average. Not always firing on all cylinders, too much pressure. Instead they have the freedom to be themselves, not defined by their race or sex.
I love that I have gotten to this place, because my controversial opinion of the day is that “white people are obsessed with happiness.” And Black people aren’t. I saw it in my relationship with my ex husband. I wanted to build a good life for my potential future children (I was a serious 23 year old) and he wanted to be “Happy” meanwhile I wanted to be “Joyful” my joy being that I was building for my children that which I didn’t have. A stable safe home. (Absolutely no disrespect to my parents. They did their best)
When I say White people are obsessed with happiness, go to any given school gates. Talk to a white mother as to what she wants for her children. “I want Sarah to be happy” meanwhile talking to a black mother “I want Sarah to be successful” the reason being, stems from the (West) African tradition that your children are your pension. Black mothers often have a disadvantage, even over and above their race. They are either from immigrant or poor backgrounds so when they have a child they often are trying to practice social mobility in 1 generation. The child will be born working class or even in poverty, but by the time they are 18 they are middle class. The mum has bought a house, in a good area and has gotten them piano lessons and a tutor. Meanwhile because they already have this, white parents focus on their child’s happiness. Black mothers pour their souls into their children and the pressure to be a success and honor your parents sacrifice is immense. Few of us rise truly to the challenge.
I’m not saying that I think white mothers are wrong. Its simply a different perspective. Black mothers are thinking that if their child is successful, they will be their retirement and a leg up to the community. I remember when I was 7 I wanted a cat for my birthday, my mum got me a goldfish which I absolutely loved, her name was Rosie. As we were leaving the pet shop to cross the street, I walked on with my bag of Rosie. My mum yanked my arm away from the crossing and said “Annetta, please, you na me Ab, Ope” “Ab, Ope” is Creole for “to have hope” as in the child she is hoping to be successful.
I conversely want my child to have the right to be average, but I still want them to be successful. Success is defined in different ways, the present parent, the 6 figure salary, the infamy within a community. I want them to define success, then go out and achieve it. That won’t be “Black excellence” it will simply be “Excellent”.
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother-Smith.