Am I the problem part 2?

Okay so the fact that there’s even a part 2 is a cause for concern. If we remember “am I the problem?” Part one was when it was my birthday and my mum’s family forgot my birthday and I cut them off. No more favours. Glena’s daughter is no longer your neice. You killed her with apathy.

So here is part 2. Part 2 is about my unwillingness to let an ex boss get away with bullying me without making him answer for his behaviour… behaviour which led me to therapy and Samaritans by the way. Panic attacks, are no joke. And when you start seriously considering hanging yourself from your landing ceiling… not 10 feet away from where you we’re currently lying in bed. You too would want that bully to pay.

I have however had an almighty hissy fit about it in the last week. Because I am literally still in pain. Chest pain has not gone away. I still taste fear when I think about it. And when I think that as an adult this isn’t the first time I’ve been bullied I get really cross.

Also, the “black women delegation” led by my mother have advocated “the forgive and forget” narrative. Which pissed me off mightily. Not only do I feel that it’s inauthentic, it’s a dangerous narrative to say black women should “forgive” every wrong committed against them. It’s not wrong for me to feel emotion. And as the wronged party. This show is over when I say so. And it ain’t over. So everyone else needs to fall in line. Because when it was his turn I had to suck it up.

More importantly Jesus said “turn the other cheek” when someone wrongs you. He didn’t however say there was no consequences for slapping you in the first place. He just said don’t escalate the situation. I’d already turned the other cheek, but it doesn’t mean that there are no consequences. Like I said previously. This is a consequence of his actions. Me reporting them doesn’t make them less true. He did that stuff. And if he didn’t, he’ll be able to justify himself perfectly and there will be no negative outcomes for him. Negative outcomes only come from if he is guilty. So why are people so afraid of him being guilty? At worst, if he didn’t do anything he wasted 30 minutes of his life explaining. If he did this stuff, yeah, bad stuff would will happen. But that’s not in my control, I’m just proud of myself for standing up for myself. For being the woman my inner child, adolescent and early adulthood would have hugged.

I’m not seeking to destroy. If that’s what’s in your heart then yeah. You deserve failure. I’m simply saying what happened was unacceptable.

3 inner people are cheering me on from the stands. Sometimes you need to be your own superhero and let the pieces fall where they may. That is the point where you leave it to God.

”I love you” Baby Bea

“ I’m proud of you, you’re incredibly brave” Bealinda at 16

“Thank you for rescuing me, I couldn’t live through this again” Bealinda at 26

I know girls. I know. It will never be this way again.

I’m not the problem. I’m the superhero. And superhero’s break moulds.

Grace and Courage

Annetta Mother Smith.