Unconditional love

First of all let me say I straight up don’t believe in it. It’s a romantic concept which doesn’t hold water to me. “Love me no matter what?” Lie, cheat, steal, rape, murder, pedophilla all okay? Bet not. My love for no human being is unconditional. If my children ruin another person’s life, no remorse or repentance? Then I have failed as a parent and I do not wish to be reminded of that failure. Husband cheats? Dead to me. Parents ruin my life irretrievably? Bye. My parents have pushed the bar of what is decent and my relationship with my parents has meant I can’t give unconditional love to anyone else. For me it smells like enabling. And enabling to me smells like co-dependency and I am too free spirited to be co-dependent on another person. My mother’s attachment to me is deeply unhealthy. She “ hasn’t got anyone else?” Not my fault. She is emotionally and financially dependent on me and my biggest hindrance from another relationship is knowing my mum can’t actually cope with me being in love with someone else: she’ll try and ruin it. Hence I want a short relationship then marriage. I don’t want to give her too long to find ways of sabotage. Conscious or unconscious. I want to keep my peace. I want a love that means she has stuff to do. Because she is not happy or fulfilled… I don’t get to be either. My relationship with my father was no more healthy. I worshipped him. He likewise. Which meant we bore with each others faults far above what was reasonable.

My ex husband is dead to me so I will not speak of him. Only my future husband.

I love boundaries. I love consequences. My love is boundaried and consequential because it matters. Its deep, like rivers and oceans. Not shallow like streams. I believe love is a consequence, not a feeling. Its a consequence of action. We love our parents because they fed us, clothed us, showed us love and did things to make us happy and self actualise. Take one of those things away and a child will not love their parents. We love our children because of the love we have for our spouse in creating them, children are created out of joy and then keep bringing that joy with smiles, cuddles and wonderful moments of the unique individual. We love our spouse because of how they treat us. If they suddenly start treating us poorly, we stop loving the,. So yeah love is a consequence.

Something to think about.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother Smith.